Saturday, May 24, 2008

Rediscovering the Past: A Whole Lot of Bible Man, More Importantly A Whole Lot More of Phoebe Cates

Over the past month or so, the minor premium cable channels have been running the 1982 gem Paradise.

(By the way, how retarded is the narration on that trailer?) Surprisingly, I didn't even know this film existed. If I were to summarize the film quickly, I'd say that it was a racier Blue Lagoon starring Phoebe Cates. That, to me, is a good thing. I know I personally prefer Phoebe Cates to Brooke Shields. Maybe I'm crazy, but I think she's much hotter*. If you want a good idea as to what to expect of this film, the first keyword on IMDB is "Female Nude Under Waterfall".

* At the very least hotter in 1980-1982. Probably still is. Kevin Kline is a lucky man.

Unfortunately, there are chimps in the film, and whenever they're on screen, there is music that you'd think was composed by a retarded carnie.

Also, Willie Aames is in the film. If you recall even a little bit of "Charles in Charge" you'll remember that he was no Laurence Olivier. In fact, to put him on the same level as even Christopher Atkins would probably be a disservice to Christopher Atkins. Basically, think Pauly Shore without the weasel shtick in a dramatic role set in the desert--with full frontal male nudity to go along with the massive amount of Phoebe Cates action.

So, if you were 15 and managed to miss this film (like I did), there's no time like the present, I guess.

And before you write this whole entry off, just remember the writer/director of Paradise, Stuart Gillard, also wrote and directed Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III: Turtles In Time, so this clearly is high art.

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