Sunday, December 30, 2007

Week 17

The Chiefs completed their historic season by losing to the New York Jets. In doing so, (as far as I can decipher) they appear to have wrapped up at worst the fourth pick of the 2008 NFL Draft. About one month prior to the draft, they will flip a coin with the Atlanta Falcons for the third pick. If the Chiefs win that toss, the Falcons and the Raiders will flip for the fourth pick. The Chiefs have the tie-breaker over both the Jets (strength of schedule) and the Raiders (conference record), and as such can pick no lower than fourth. Way to go on an historic nine-game losing streak Chiefs! Also in that article is the good news that both Herm and Carl Peterson will be back next year.


I give up.

I think I may be done.

What bullshit.

In better news, those arrogant old bastards from the '72 Dolphins didn't get to pop the corks on that champagne yet. I can't help but be reminded of Shula whining about an asterisk.

Update: Apparently the coin toss will go off as soon as tomorrow. All the confusion should be set to rest then.

Update #2: The Chiefs will pick either 4th or 5th, not 3rd or 4th. The Chiefs apparently edged out the Raiders for 3rd in the division as they had a better record against common opponents. Convoluted.

Saturday, December 29, 2007

Is "The Bucket List" a gift to moviegoers?

The TV just told me this is the case--and I have to listen to my TV because it does not lie to me. Not to quibble with my television, but I'm leery of this one. By leery, of course, I mean I can't imagine a world in which that movie can be anything less than a total piece of shit based on the terrible TV spots and trailers.

My sentiment is just about the same in regards to "P.S. I Love You."

Thursday, December 27, 2007

Your fix for "The Wire"

Now these have been up for a while, but I'd be remiss if I didn't post these for those who didn't know...

Omar Prequel

Prop Joe Prequel

When Bunk met McNulty Prequel

Bo Love

Since I don't have much to say today, I'll let this clip do the talking:

Brian Bosworth, for whatever reason, is kind of Swayze-esque. When Bo was running over him, that Swayze was Don.

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

By the way...

Happy Fucking Jesus Day, all!

Man on Film: Atonement

I've put off reviewing this film for a week and a half. I'll preface everything by stating that I'm in the minority on this film, and stewing has not improved my disposition in regards to the film. On to the review...

Atonement is a film steeped in nuance. It essentially has to be because without its countless shots establishing mood director Joe Wright would be left with a short film. While these shots do add to the feel of the film, it seems as though too much screen-time is spent on shots of Kiera Knightley's face fragmented through mirrors or the like.

The events that comprise the narrative are few and routine; to expound on them would be giving away pretty much everything that happens over the course of the film. Rather than events, the story is formed by the varied perceptions of the events. More precisely, it is framed by the misperception of said events through the eyes of a precocious 13 year-old playwright, Briony Tallis as played by Saoirse Ronan. Following her once-removed version of happenings, Wright then illuminates the few things that actually happen with the retelling of events by following the characters, primarily James McAvoy's Robbie Turner and Knightley's Cecilia Tallis, leading up to and during their occurrence.

Now in the right hands with the right story, reinventing a moment through the eyes of the various characters whose actions play out in that event can be intoxicating. Sidney Lumet's recent gem Before the Devil Knows You're Dead comes to mind immediately as an instance in which such a narrative device works well. In that situation, the other characters are more complex and have more things going on in their lives at the instant in which they are happening. The same cannot be said for Robbie, Cecilia, and Briony, whose lives lack much past the class divide and ensuing complexities resultant of their differing socioeconomic status. In all fairness, this difference in class is vital to the story, for Robbie's fate is wholly determined by his presumed lack of a voice in his defense. The problem is somewhere in the neighborhood of an hour and fifteen minutes is spent unfurling what amounts to be a precious few plot points, and while a certain degree of sympathy/empathy is cultivated that cultivation could have occurred in a fraction of the time.

The second act of the film is also filled with narrative issues. Robbie's efforts to reunite with the troops from whom he was separated--and, in turn, with Cecilia--while valiant and determined are largely aimless and lacking in the requisite tension to hold the attention of the viewer. While the actors did their part to enliven their characters with enough heart to endear them to the audience, the filmmaker's inability to craft a narrative in which your yearning for the the star-crossed lovers to be back together earns the level of concern that the nuance-laden screenplay fails to achieve.

Anyone speaking on the film would be remiss to not mention the spectacular tracking shot at Dunkirk. Its scope seemed to know no bounds. Technically, the shot rivals even that of Cuarón's stunning tracking shot in Children of Men, but where that film's tracking shot is wrought with suspense, Wright's shot seems to suffer from the same lack of purpose that much of the film suffers through. Its technical excellence cannot be denied, but its place in the narrative is questionable at best, and in a film so focused on the smaller scope of a pair's undying love for one another the shot borders on superfluity.

The part of the film that does work--past the acting, which is solid, if falling just shy of being great--is the third act. Vanessa Redgrave's role as the elderly Briony enriches the film, and the ending saves the film from being entirely style over substance. Unfortunately, for the greater part of its 130 minute run-time, Atonement wallows in its obsession with its own beauty, forgoing the effort of making a film with an engaging story.

For those who weren't aware

The Extras Christmas Special aired two Sundays ago. There didn't seem to be much hullaballoo about this. HBO is still airing it. Those with "It's not TV" can watch it Christmas Night at 7:30 ET, 6:30 CT, and Friday night at midnight ET, 11:00 pm CT. For the resourceful poor folk, I'm sure it can be found through other means.

By the way, it's really great. Gervais is has such a brutal comic mind. It's on full display in the special. The Clive Owen cameo is fantastically funny, and the ending is a pretty great coda to the series.

"Now I have a machine gun ho-ho-ho"

I don't know that there's a better Christmas movie that's ever been made than Die Hard. The regular cop shooting the hell out of terrorists is everything America and Jesus stood for. Especially when that cop is played by Bruce Willis.

Off the top of my head, the following are the best Christmas movies ever:

1. Die Hard
2. Scrooged
3. Die Hard 2
4. Bad Santa
5. It's a Wonderful Life

Now you may look at number five and think to yourself, "What the hell? Where did that come from?" In my defense, it's a good movie. Also, Donna Reed was really hot. Donna Reed in that film is hotter than just about anyone to grace the silver screen.

Now back to Die Hard... I can suspend just about all disbelief if I'm enthralled, but can anyone really believe the clerk at the convenience store thought that Reginald Vel Johnson's Sgt. Al Powell was buying all that junk food for his wife? I can't. That's really my only sticking point with the whole film. Really, I think the film is flawless. The screenplay is witty and taut. Bruce Willis was brilliantly cast as McClane. Rickman's a great villian. You've got the Chinese guy that was a henchman in every movie in the '80's. There's a Huey Lewis look-alike. The asshole Vice Principal from The Breakfast Club and the quintessential '80's asshole, William Atherton are present. Die Hard has pretty much everything you could want in a movie. Oh, yeah, and tons of violence.

As for Atherton, according to the commentary track for Ghostbusters, people would drive by him in New York years after Ghostbusters came out and yell "dickless" at him. From all accounts, he's a nice guy, and he did make his money from being an actor, but you've got to feel bad for the guy whose three most recognizable roles are that of Walter Peck in Ghostbusters, Professor Jerry Hathaway in Real Genius, and Richard Thornburg in Die Hard.

Monday, December 24, 2007

"There Will Be Blood" stuff

To give credit where credit's due, I wouldn't have known about this were it not for the good folks at cigarettes and red vines. Here you go:

By the way, there's a lot of great stuff at Charlie Rose's website. So much it would take years to cull through.

Peter Johansen has finally lost it.

Seriously, can you imagine sitting across from him in the terminal when he was recording this? I'd guess it was something akin to the first time you saw someone with a Bluetooth only you didn't actually see the Bluetooth in their ear and they were gesticulating and talking like a crazy homeless person only they were dressed like a sane, homed person.

And since Peter's lost it while traveling, here's a holiday treat for you (and yes, I know this was a Thanksgiving movie):

Week 16

If a 4-10 team loses and no one cares does it still happen? Even Whitlock has stopped the bashing. Don't look now, but the Chiefs are currently in the running for the fifth pick.

That Packers game was ugly. I had to stop watching. In all fairness to the Packers, it doesn't seem like many are focusing on the two blocked punts and the fumbled snap that Ryan had. Those were kind of big.

I begrudgingly don't mind watching the Vikings solely because of Adrian Peterson's presence, but that game was pretty awful, too. I still don't like the mentality of the Vikings Fan, though.

Really, it was a bad weekend for broadcast football. We didn't even get to watch the Patriots demolish the Dolphins. Austin televised the Titans/Jets game. Awesome. I can't stand this town's hard-on for Vince Young...

On a positive note, my team showed well in the only fantasy football league I'm in this year. It will take Jason Elam going off for about 40 points for my team to lose. This is the first time I've won in about six years. If only I cared...

Wednesday, December 19, 2007


I am sorry to anyone who may have gotten their hopes up about me posting the opening credits for Judd Hirsch star-vehicle "Dear John", but I was unable to track them down. The file has been taken down from youtube, undoubtedly because it was deemed too popular and caused their system to crash from its having been accessed so many times. As a slight consolation, I do have this to share...

Mark Linn-Baker: Man's Man


So I caved

and watched the Chiefs game over the weekend. I won't spend too much time dwelling on it, but I will spend some time on why the other shitty teams in the NFL should start playing better. The Chiefs are awful. They need a better draft pick than they're in line for now. If they lose out (which they should because they're atrocious--watching them is like having war crimes inflicted upon your people), they still may only have the eighth pick of the draft. That's messed up. They're way worse than the eighth worst team in the league. I'm crossing my fingers for a top five pick and a shot at Jake Long, personally. They are in dire need of a left tackle, and a first-round-caliber left tackle
at that. Let all Chiefs Nation start the Long Watch now (and not for that son of an asshole Howie Long, Jr.).

For now, I shall turn my focus towards the Packers. I may not even watch the Chiefs this week. For real. After all, what's the point?

I don't know much

but I do know that according to Margaret (via a text message sent to Peter) my blog is better than Peter Johansen's. I think one of the main reasons that mine is better is that I don't make fun of my Grandma. Not cool, Peter. Not cool.

Now, I hear Peter's been crying about this inferiority, and I'd just like to say that there might just be enough room in the internet for both of our blogs. I doubt it, though.

Saturday, December 15, 2007


When the Alamo Drafthouse was going to open their new downtown location, why were they not using this:

All you need to know

Mungo Jerry impart their wisdom. Jugs and atypical boot stomping abound.

'Roids seem to be all the rage

I'm not going to spend too much time dwelling on all this nonsense, but Joe Posnanski puts forth an interesting quandary. If things were reversed and Roger Clemens had been the first big name associated with steroids, would he have been villified as much as Bonds has?

To me, it seems there are just as many out there who've disliked Roger as have liked him. Were his name swirling around in this cauldron of PED-sludge from the onset, I can't imagine he'd have gotten better treatment. Hell, I think he's had many more incidents in his past to set up a media pouncing were the conditions changed.

I am glad that the initial reports that Pujols was named in the Mitchell Report were erroneous. I know if I were Pujols, I'd be livid, which it sounds like he is.

None of the players on my keeper squad were listed, so that feels nice, I guess.

Friday, December 14, 2007


As of 3:30 pm this afternoon, I am no longer drunk.

Mel Allen voice: How about that!

Not fun

What's 'not fun' you may be asking yourself?

Being drunk still from the night before while sitting at work. I have no idea how I woke up to get here in the first place, but it happened. I'm here. I hope 'Toine brings me water...

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

The Iron & Wine show at La Zona Rosa

First things first: I'm what some would call 'hammered' so expect very little from this post...

The Iron & Wine show was about as I'd expected. What I expected was greatness. That's what I received.

At various points during the show, I felt like I'd been sucked into a swampy bar outside of Memphis with the three guitars and piano mesmerizing me. Almost all of the songs had been completely re-arranged from not only the album versions but from how they'd been playing the older tunes last time I saw them (which was about a year ago). Many of the songs this time around were turned into medleys of sorts to form epic tunes ten minutes long but never loosening their grip on your attention. And while the arrangements occasionally approached the realm of jam, they never went past that fine line.

Were I slightly less drunk, I'd be able to elaborate more, but that is not the case unfortunately. My apologies.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Once More with Feeling

And because Chad would want me to...

Hear N' Aid

If Peter Johansen thinks he can do it, then so can I...

And then stepping right back...

Larry Johnson is looking like he's going to be inactive again this week. Money well spent, guys.

Moving on...

Getting to see Iron and Wine Tuesday night. Expect a post shortly thereafter. If it's anything like the mind-blowing show I saw last time from Beam & Co., you'll most definitely have to clean yourselves off after I pass out from over-stimulation.

Reflections on a season for the ages

Sometimes as a sports fan, I sit sullenly by as my team gets obliterated and wonder why I even put myself through this misery. It's happened more often than I'd care to think of as a Chiefs fan. Off the top of my head, losses to Buffalo, Miami, Denver, Pittsburgh, and especially Indianapolis have sent me into a tailspin for days. Names like Lin Elliott, Dave Szott, Kimble Anders, and Johnnie Morton are hard for me to even say without a grimace, which is no doubt a physical reaction that cannot be helped any more. They have been 13-3 a few times in my memory, and each time I've allowed myself to get my hopes up for some taste of greatness only to have my hopes shattered.

The odd thing is football isn't even my favorite sport. I prefer baseball, but I think it's easier to write off the Royals as not having much hope for winning it all every year from the onset. The season is also so long that the losses don't sting nearly as much.

There's also the expectation that if a football team is run correctly it can contend every year. There's a degree of financial equality that puts the Chiefs on a level playing field that the Royals will never be able to experience, making it feel more and more like it is within the realm of possibility that the Chiefs could contend while the Royals have more of an excuse to not be able to make a run at the series.

All that being said, I never really had very high hopes for the Chiefs this season. I thought that they could maybe finish 7-9. Not much better--possibly much worse. Right now, I'm not sure they could beat the Dolphins.

The crappy thing is, I know I don't want them to win. I mean, yeah, of course pride kicks in, and you want them to show some heart and go win at Invesco, but you know each loss could bring them closer to someone they so desperately need, like Jake Long. Seeing them lose so terribly to a pretty bad Denver team, however, is a lot to try and stomach. This was the first game in five years that I've seen (I've missed seeing four games since the 9-0 start season for various reasons) that I actually left before the game was finished. I'd completed watching every game I started for five seasons.

Sunday, I couldn't do it.

I don't know where to go from here. I think we, as Chiefs fans, want to see some changes. I kind of have the feeling that none of the ones we want to take place will happen. Hell, I don't even know if they should. Well, I'm pretty damn sure Carl Peterson should no longer be making any decisions for the Chiefs. His time has passed. He made the Chiefs relevant for a while but has long since whittled that relevance down to a sliver of its former self. As for the rest of the management and personnel, who knows?

I do know this...

I may not even bother watching the Chiefs this weekend, and that's fucked up.
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