Reasons I Dislike "Battlestar Galactica": Part Two

Disingenuous use of sex as a selling tool

Especially early on in the series, it seemed as though sexual activity was included in the goings-on at an exploitative rate. There were younger characters throughout the show gallivanting around in their skivvies (or less) sexing each other up. It was rare to say the least for that sex to be necessary for what was actually going on.

Now, I most certainly did just write an entry about how I preferred Paradise to Blue Lagoon because I think Phoebe Cates circa 1982 is much more attractive than Brooke Shields circa 1980. I do think there's a large difference between the two films and "Battlestar Galactica" though. To just about anyone watching those two films, there is little argument as to what the viewer is actually watching them for. These films are selling sex. There is really very little reason that these movies exist past the sexual nature of the two Adam-and-Eve-scenario films.

"Battlestar Galactica" is an entirely different beast. It would not be much of a stretch of the imagination to label the BSG demographic as undersexed. I'm sure there is a much higher percentage of virgin BSG fans than there would be of, say, any show not on Sci-Fi. Sure, that is a speculative statement, but I have a feeling that it is not far off. That being said, the sex in BSG reeks of manipulation.

If this show didn't have so many glaring deficiencies to me, maybe this wouldn't bother me. However, the extraneous sexing up of the show seems like it is simply a tool that was used to draw in the return viewing of the un(der)sexed sci-fi nerd.

Hell, there's an entire character designed just to get the fanboys from six to midnight whenever the show is dragging. If there's a lag in the action, what do they do? Oh, yeah, let's just throw the robot-chick out there in a revealing red dress. If nothing has happened for more than an episode, what do we get? Semi-nude Tricia Helfer rubbing up on none other than a world-renowned scientist. Of course. Scientists get all the hot models--er, robots.

Call me disillusioned, but this strikes me as shameless pandering to the hunger-stricken libido of the virginal fanbase, who--at least on some base level--think to themselves, "Maybe, just maybe, I'll see a nipple this week."

If I wanted to have something shamelessly dry-humping me in the hopes of me opening up my wallet, I'd go to a strip club. At least everything is honest there.

Rediscovering the Past: A Whole Lot of Bible Man, More Importantly A Whole Lot More of Phoebe Cates

Over the past month or so, the minor premium cable channels have been running the 1982 gem Paradise.

(By the way, how retarded is the narration on that trailer?) Surprisingly, I didn't even know this film existed. If I were to summarize the film quickly, I'd say that it was a racier Blue Lagoon starring Phoebe Cates. That, to me, is a good thing. I know I personally prefer Phoebe Cates to Brooke Shields. Maybe I'm crazy, but I think she's much hotter*. If you want a good idea as to what to expect of this film, the first keyword on IMDB is "Female Nude Under Waterfall".

* At the very least hotter in 1980-1982. Probably still is. Kevin Kline is a lucky man.

Unfortunately, there are chimps in the film, and whenever they're on screen, there is music that you'd think was composed by a retarded carnie.

Also, Willie Aames is in the film. If you recall even a little bit of "Charles in Charge" you'll remember that he was no Laurence Olivier. In fact, to put him on the same level as even Christopher Atkins would probably be a disservice to Christopher Atkins. Basically, think Pauly Shore without the weasel shtick in a dramatic role set in the desert--with full frontal male nudity to go along with the massive amount of Phoebe Cates action.

So, if you were 15 and managed to miss this film (like I did), there's no time like the present, I guess.

And before you write this whole entry off, just remember the writer/director of Paradise, Stuart Gillard, also wrote and directed Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III: Turtles In Time, so this clearly is high art.