Attention: City of Austin

Stop shutting down all of the bridges across the river every fucking Saturday and Sunday morning. A huge fucking dog walk is not just cause for shutting down your entire downtown. Congress Avenue does not need to be shut down at 9:00 am for something that isn't even happening until 7:00 pm. Fuck off. You run the city like a bunch of buffoons. You sell land to Wal-Mart underhandedly, let every developer with a pulse put up a fucking sky-rise condominium, rip up roads only to not have them repaved evenly, and apparently bend over backwards to fuck your citizens over every fucking Saturday by shutting down all of your routes through downtown.

I'd love to sit down and take a breath, but I'm too sore from the anal raping.

This weekend you shut everything down for a Gala at the Paramount and a dog walk. Let the dogwalkers have a fucking park to do it in. You have plenty of them.

Pull your heads out of your asses, and keep your roads open.

Sorry for the cursing young'uns, but this is at least seven of the last ten weekends that there have been road closures on at least one bridge. I'm starting to think the Austin American-Statesman is paying the city to shut down the major thoroughfares through downtown to try to coerce* Austinites to subscribe to the paper. Well, Statesman, if you started to put out a decent paper, I bet we'd all love to subscribe. Give us back our streets.

*I lost my train of thought here because Jackie was watching some Tori Amos thing on Ovation and Tori Amos was talking about how she needed to trim Tori Amos' bush. Seriously. And she was going in depth, in the third person, at length. A little odd. A little distracting. Now she's talking about prostitutes. I couldn't possibly make this up.