Thursday, August 14, 2008

Carlos Quentin: Black Hole Sucking Balls into the Vortex of His Plate-Covering Midget-Squat Batting Stance

Due to the spotty nature of my internet today, I'm going to put off my review of Tropic Thunder for a day. Sorry for that non-baseball fans. Read this as a cue that yet another baseball-related post is on its way. You can more or less skip this post, Jackie, even though you know exactly who I'm going to be complaining about.

Now, I could vent about the dismal play of the Royals in Comiskey X, or whatever they're calling that place now, and how Kansas City finds new exciting ways to get into the record books (Four straight long balls given up! Finally! We waited so long for this!). I'm not going to though.

Carlos Quentin got hit by a pitch again. This marks the sixth straight game in which he's gotten plunked.

He deserves it.

Even Ozzie Guillen understands why he's getting hit. Straight from Rick Gano's AP post-game write-up:
"Carlos is a hit magnet. … The way he hits, (he) stands over the plate,” White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen said. “If Carlos gets hit the way he gets hit, I don’t mind that. But if he gets hit the way I don’t think he should get hit, then it’s a problem."
I can't stand watching Carlos Quentin bat. He squats down so low that his strike zone is about six inches from top to bottom. He stands six feet two inches tall. Not only is he trying to win a limbo contest without bending over backwards, but he practically stands on the plate. As far as I'm concerned he's cheating.

Crouching down to the point where your knees are higher than your butt is ludicrous. Not only does he look like he's trying to get a cheap base one way or another, but he looks ridiculous doing it. When Quentin's at the plate and the Sox aren't facing K.C., I turn the channel. When he's playing against the Royals, I watch in the hopes of him getting beaned again.

And sure, he's leading the American League in home runs (or at least he was yesterday), so it's working for him right now, but that doesn't mean I have to like it.

So kudos go out to those who are taking back the inside of the plate. Hurrah, Kyle Davies! Hats off to you, Josh Beckett! Keep up the good work, David Aardsma! Domo arigato, Diasuke Matsuzaka! Fight the good fight, Jon Lester! Huzzah, Zach Miner!

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