Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Six Word Movie Reviews: Part Two

Old Man Duggan is soon to be out of the country for the next couple of weeks and left us in charge, so to honor all hell breaking loose (and the return of misused ellipsis in our Breaking Down posts) Craig and I are releasing another round of six word movie reviews. Saddle up, honkeys.

Dead Man Walking: total bullshit, not one single zombie

Behind the Candelabra: gayer than cum on a mustache

What About Bob?: Who gives a fuck about Bob?

Hoffa: Guess what? They don't find him.

The Big Lebowski: dude, you got the wrong Lebowski

Leaving Las Vegas: drinking, drinking, titties, drinking, drinking, drinking

Drive: Dude gets murdered with a hammer

Dumb and Dumber: John Denver is full of shit

There's Something About Mary: you'll never zip again without looking

The Raid: most bad ass movie ever...  EVER!

Vanilla Sky: you won't see the end coming

Mallrats: kid is back on the escalator

Man on the Moon: Jim Carrey shoulda won an Oscar

Sideways: magnificent shot of flapping man jibbles

Sling Blade: retarded serial killer on the loose

Home Alone: mouse trap: the full house version

American Beauty: it's just a fucking plastic bag

Snatch: last one alive gets the diamond

The Game: it really is just a game.

American Psycho: I've got movies to be returned
Battleship: I’d let Rihanna sink my battleship 

Spiderman 3: emo spiderman can go fuck himself

The Break Up: Aniston has a magnificent turd cutter

Justin Bieber’s Never Say Never: I’ll go ahead and say never

Basic Instinct: you will wear out pause button

Glengarry Glen Ross: Glengarry Glen Danzig would be better

Pretty Woman: Watch out for gold digging prostitutes

Cabin in the Woods: there’s a cabin in the woods

Tucker and Dale vs. Evil: honestly, those guys are totally innocent

Killer Joe: suck on that chicken wing baby

The Man Who Wasn’t There: he is actually there all movie

Bullet to the Head: the title could not be truer

What Dreams May Come: disappointment, thought it was a porno
Goodfellas: that helicopter is really following you.

The Godfather: it's too fucking long, fell asleep

My Left Foot: big deal, elephants paint with trunks

Field of Dreams: if you build it…ghost invasion!

The Godfather Part II: woke up in middle of it

Big: She fucked a 13 year old

A League of Their Own: there’s no fucking crying in baseball

Cast Away: should have just fucking hung himself

The Godfather Part III: How long is this fucking movie?

Follow Craig Scholes @anaveragegatsby and Stan Earnest @StanEarnest

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