Six Word Movie Reviews: Part Two

Old Man Duggan is soon to be out of the country for the next couple of weeks and left us in charge, so to honor all hell breaking loose (and the return of misused ellipsis in our Breaking Down posts) Craig and I are releasing another round of six word movie reviews. Saddle up, honkeys.

Dead Man Walking: total bullshit, not one single zombie

Behind the Candelabra: gayer than cum on a mustache

What About Bob?: Who gives a fuck about Bob?

Hoffa: Guess what? They don't find him.

The Big Lebowski: dude, you got the wrong Lebowski

Leaving Las Vegas: drinking, drinking, titties, drinking, drinking, drinking

Drive: Dude gets murdered with a hammer

Dumb and Dumber: John Denver is full of shit

There's Something About Mary: you'll never zip again without looking

The Raid: most bad ass movie ever...  EVER!

Vanilla Sky: you won't see the end coming

Mallrats: kid is back on the escalator

Man on the Moon: Jim Carrey shoulda won an Oscar

Sideways: magnificent shot of flapping man jibbles

Sling Blade: retarded serial killer on the loose

Home Alone: mouse trap: the full house version

American Beauty: it's just a fucking plastic bag

Snatch: last one alive gets the diamond

The Game: it really is just a game.

American Psycho: I've got movies to be returned

  

Battleship: I’d let Rihanna sink my battleship 

Spiderman 3: emo spiderman can go fuck himself

The Break Up: Aniston has a magnificent turd cutter

Justin Bieber’s Never Say Never: I’ll go ahead and say never

Basic Instinct: you will wear out pause button

Glengarry Glen Ross: Glengarry Glen Danzig would be better

Pretty Woman: Watch out for gold digging prostitutes

Cabin in the Woods: there’s a cabin in the woods

Tucker and Dale vs. Evil: honestly, those guys are totally innocent

Killer Joe: suck on that chicken wing baby

The Man Who Wasn’t There: he is actually there all movie

Bullet to the Head: the title could not be truer

What Dreams May Come: disappointment, thought it was a porno

 

Goodfellas: that helicopter is really following you.

The Godfather: it's too fucking long, fell asleep

My Left Foot: big deal, elephants paint with trunks

Field of Dreams: if you build it…ghost invasion!

The Godfather Part II: woke up in middle of it

Big: She fucked a 13 year old

A League of Their Own: there’s no fucking crying in baseball

Cast Away: should have just fucking hung himself

The Godfather Part III: How long is this fucking movie?



Follow Craig Scholes @anaveragegatsby and Stan Earnest @StanEarnest

Six Word Movie Reviews

No one has time these days for anything. Craig and I understand. Haven't been caught up on the best movies over the last few years? No need to worry, here are some six-word movie reviews to help you decide which ones you really need to see.

The Departed: everyone fucking dies in the end

Brokeback Mountain: butt fucking on a mountain side

Skyfall: eventually Bond drives an Aston Martin

Lincoln: you fucking already know the plot

The Big Lebowski: rug really did tie room together

Titanic: secretly, one great dark comedy flick

Debbie Does Dallas: disappointing, she only screws a few

There Will Be Blood: eventually, there will be some blood

Shawshank Redemption: Ole Andy’s keester gets it good

Forrest Gump: stupid mother fucker defies Darwinian science

Silence of the Lambs: better put lotion in the basket

Memento: he can’t remember a fucking thing

Citizen Kane: Rosebud is just a fucking sled

Reservoir Dogs: Steelers Wheel stuck in head forever

The Neverending Story: this movie is not actually neverending

Heat: baddest ass gun battle scene ever

Django Unchained: lots and lots of N bombs

Gran Torino: get off his mother fucking lawn

Fargo: epic use of a wood chipper

The Deer Hunter: you can’t win Russian roulette forever

Sin City: just read a comic book, dorks

Toy Story 3: I dare you not to cry

Sixth Sense: he is fucking dead you idiots

Trainspotting: heroin makes you shit the bed

The Wizard of Oz: flying monkeys are scary as shit

Apollo 13: duct tape to the fucking rescue

SLC Punk: dude’s got a four foot mohawk

Kill Bill Vol. 1: Bill doesn’t die in this one

Kill Bill Vol. 2: Bill eventually dies at the end

Good Will Hunting: stupid mother fucker missed Game 6

Into the Wild: stupid hippie tries to outsmart Alaska

Hangover 2: Did you see the first Hangover?

The Zookeeper: don’t even waste your fucking time

Here Comes the Boom: more like here comes the snooze

Beauty & the Beast: Understanding Psychology Vol. 1: Stockholm Syndrome

Rain Man: wish my brother could count cards

Showgirls: not even worth the gratuitous nudity

About Schmidt: Kathy Bates is one sexy mama

Life of Pi: tiger in a fucking boat yo!

Inception: dream within dream within another dream

127 Hours: Discovering Health Science Vol. 3: Amputation

Lost in Translation: Bill Murray can’t not be funny

A Life Aquatic: there are lots of red caps

He’s Just Not Into You: he’s just not fucking into you

JFK: what really took place…on acid

A Few Good Men: you need him on that wall

The Hobbit: could have been an hour long

The Cider House Rules: quaint little flick about baby killers

Scream: there is more than one killer

Donnie Darko: the movie doesn’t answer any questions

Flight of the Navigator: The. Best. God. Damned. Movie. Ever.