Man on Film: Contagion

Contagion is a cautionary tale.

Succinctly, this movie is about what happens when Gwyneth Paltrow commits adultery. She cheats on Matt Damon, and the fucking world goes to hell in a hand basket.

Who would cheat on Matt Damon?

I know I wouldn't.

Thanks, Paltrow.

Thanks a bunch.

Oh, and wash your goddamn hands when you're handling meat, kitchen peeps. Even if you're shaking hands with a harlot. Your pork hands could kill the whole world.

And let me tell you, it was weird seeing my old hood torn apart by the new plague, and Kate Winslet was held in the old Armory at my alma mater.

She didn't need to die, Gwyneth.

You just had to get your rocks off, didn't you?