Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Diversions: Charleston Chew

More than one of you loyal readers have suffered (in person) through my tall tales as to how supremely excellent a frozen Strawberry Charleston Chew truly is. As my memory bore out, the Strawberry Charleston Chew experience was one of mythically awesome proportions. The taste explosion that your tongue is treated to as your saliva succeeds in breaking down the Chew in its petrified state is one that dreams are made of.

Or so my mind wanted me to believe.

You see, the tragic nature of this story is that for years, the scarcity of the Strawberry Charleston Chew has led naturalists to wonder about its utter extinction. Sure, you can find the Chocolate and Vanilla varieties at every fourth corner store, but the Strawberry Charleston Chew is one of such rarity that for years I have been unable to locate them through countless perusals of candy racks by which I will be able to indoctrinate the naïve masses.

Well, children, line yer asses up at the Central Market on North Lamar because the old lady* blew my fucking mind tonight.

While watching the Royals epic come-from-behind win, Jack Attack told me that she had a surprise for me. Lo and behold, there was a pair of the previously presumed extinct Strawberry Charleston Chews sitting in the freezer, awaiting their fate.

And, you will be happy to know, it was fucking awesome.

Jackie, who does not like Charleston Chews because she has only had the lame Chocolate and Vanilla ones, wanted more upon having a taste of her gift, shocked at the realization that, much like the delicacy that is Taco John's Potato Oles, the Strawberry Charleston Chew has otherworldly gifts to bestow upon its devourer.

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