Man on Film: 12 Years A Slave

Once again, we republish this as the Oscars draw nearer.

Before you read any further, see 12 Years A Slave. Drop what you're doing. Cancel your plans. Oh, you're supposed to fly home for Christmas, but haven't seen it? Reschedule your flight.

12 Years A Slave is fucking phenomenal.

This is the time of year that theaters are flooded with Oscar trash. The important film: the stodgy period piece, usually adapted from a classic novel; the adaptation of a heavy-handed, award-winning contemporary novel [preferably the Pulitzer] usually neatly packaged with some larger message about sexual repression or religion, with a careful eye toward production design; or the biopic of someone who overcame some personal struggle to achieve something or lead a people. If the film can prey on liberal white guilt, all the better.

12 Years A Slave is definitely a biopic about someone overcoming a struggle, and any white person who doesn't feel horrible about what happened to Solomon Northup is at least 99% likely to be a horrible racist, but holy shit is it amazing. It is brutal--visually and emotionally. The situation Solomon finds himself in is so awful that it is impossible not to feel his pain. And there is a lot of pain. He is stripped of his dignity, his hope, and his humanity and is powerless to do anything about it.

What makes the film is director Steve McQueen's unwavering dedication to his vision. There are so many bold choices, so many shots that linger for far longer than one would expect, so many that drive key turning points. In a less confident hand, these scenes would feel heavy handed. In 12 Years A Slave, the decisions take your feet out from under you.

Of course, all would be for naught were it not for sterling performances, first and foremost being that of Chiwetel Ejiofor. There are other strong performances--Benedict Cumberbatch, Paul Dano, and Brad Pitt are all good, Michael Fassbender and Lupita Nyong'o particularly are great--but Ejoifor's is the performance of a lifetime. Ejiofor is always a captivating performer, but McQueen uses Ejiofor's face as a canvas, his eyes as a channel to the film's emotive center. There is no better example of this than the scene in which they bury Uncle Abram (pretty sure that's the character). While the slaves sing "Roll Jordan Roll" around the fresh grave, McQueen holds a tight shot on Ejiofor's face, as at first he stands there, numb, any hope that this cruel twist of fate will be miraculously reversed draining from his face, the last shred of belief that he was a free man fading. Then he starts in with his brethren. A slave, but hope of a different sort taking root within him. The scene tears at you, and McQueen's choice to hold on Ejiofor's face and let all these emotions play out over the almost uncomfortably long shot proves to be inspired.

In short, 12 Years A Slave is brilliant, bold, soul-crushing, brutal, and vital. It must be seen.

Man on Film: Piranha 3D

All right, first things first:  Does anyone else think it's ridiculous that the studio doesn't seem to acknowledge that the first two Piranha movies existed?

I can categorically say that the reason two of my friends (Chad and Peter, for you Austinite readers) were as excited as they were for Piranha 3D was that they were such big Piranha and Piranha 2* fans.  Why not exploit their fandom?

*Aquarena in the house!

Moving on...

Piranha 3D successfully executes what it sets out to do.  That is to make a trashy horror movie with tons of nudity and its tongue placed firmly in its cheek.  The cast is likeable.  The proper nods are made to the iconic films it owes a debt to, particularly the intro with Krippendorf.




Did I mention there's tons of nudity?

Oh, you want an example?  Well, Jerry O'Connell's* severed cock is eaten by a piranha, with the fish making its own slider.

 *And if for some odd reason, you harbor a soft spot for Kangaroo Jack, don't worry.  He is essentially playing the loathsome Ron Francis.

There's also a ton of Kelly Brook nudity.  I speak for humankind and probably a large chunk of the animal kingdom when I say that this is not a bad thing.

But what really works is that this film doesn't take itself even remotely seriously.  It is superbly cast with one glaring exception, its star, the charisma-less grandson of Steve McQueen.  Other than his utter lack personality or charm (think somewhere between Paul Walker in The Fast and the Furious and Chris Klein in Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li*), the film is littered with a great supporting cast.  Adam Scott is woefully underused but still great.  Elisabeth Shue, in addition to still being very attractive, is spot-on as the local sheriff.  Christopher Lloyd is funny in what boils down to a cheeky Doc Brown cameo. 

*Witness the brilliance of Chris Klein here...


Ultimately, all Piranha 3D needs to do is entertain, and between ridiculous fish deaths and rampant nudity, it delivers.