Sunday, February 16, 2014

True Detective Season One, Episode Five "The Secret Fate of All Life"

This installment of True Detective brings us the most intense fake shootout ever, as Cohle and Marty traverse the backwoods of Louisiana and brain the culprits. The interrogators believe Cohle is a suspect as new information about the Yelllow King surfaces.

No, you can't have my vintage Pink Floyd T.
Stan Earnest: I know who the Yellow King is: Jesse Plemmons, a.k.a. Landry, a.k.a. Meth Damon.

Craig Scholes: I was hoping it was Jackie Chan.

SE: Anyone that thinks the killer is really Cohle probably still thinks Gus Fring is alive.


SE: This show has turned into a macabre, hypnotizing experience. It is truly on another level. Boardwalk Empire dances around some existential themes, but Mac is still putting his spell on us. Is this what it is like believing in Scientology?

CS: Tom Cruise has forbid me from commenting on that.

SE: I bet he secretly offed Phil Hoffman for his performance in The Master.

CS: I don't have a response that won't piss off the editor. [OMD: As long as you're not using chat-speak, I'll be fine.]

SE: So did you ever think that the killer was really going to be the meth cook, Reggie LeDoux?

CS: With very few episodes left, no way that small-time inbred Heisenberg-wannabe was gonna be the killer.

SE: I love that Mac and Woody are wasting the lives of many people (including themselves) to catch a killer that offed a meth head prostitute. That speaks volumes to how life really works, and Mac is echoing that in his half-drunken ramblings of living painful experiences over and over again. The tagline for the show really says it all: “Man is the cruelest animal.”

CS: That was some impressive lying to back up that story to save their asses. I’m really curious to see what caused the falling out because they really made a good team.

SE: As a poker player, anytime someone says something like, "I'm going to tell the truth here..." it is normally followed by a lie.

CS: I really hope we get to see a slide show of them vacationing together wearing tacky fanny packs and Tommy Bahama shirts with their special lady friends.

SE: Mac and Woody Vacation in Zihuatanejo coming up next on the Travel Channel.

CS: When Woody and Mac were traversing the land of that LeDoux cat, I was expecting a giant Indiana Jones boulder to come rolling at them, that really would have pushed this episode over the top.

SE: However, we did get a John Rambo-style machine gun firing sequence. Cohle saying, "What is that, Nietzsche," got a jolly laugh out of me.

CS: That one character really had your typical hillbilly white-trash canvas of hate tattoos.

SE: Making fake tattoos for actors has to be an interesting job. MacConaughey is so hard for this role that I wouldn't be surprised if his are real.

CS: Goat head pentagram, noose around the neck, multiple swastikas, 3rd Reich Eagle, and a 666 for good measure.

SE: The Woody gunshot blast to the head was a really easy way for that cat to go. What do we have, like three episodes left? I'm baffled as to where this is going.

CS: I've got my money on McConaughey shaving, getting a haircut, and returning to being a kick ass cop again, then he and Woody find the real killer. The montage of McConaughey getting his shit together is going to be amazing.

SE: I like how Mac has clearly warped Woody's mind because Woody starts preaching some wild shit there for a moment when we get the saddest time jump in film history: innocent child to downhill skiing two dudes in a pickup on a Louisiana back road.

CS: Oh man, that was crazy, show really took an unexpected turn there.

SE: She clearly was taking after her daddy, which makes it consistent with Woody blasting other people for his own problems when he slaps her.

CS: She's clearly going to be the next victim right? And then Woody gets to go complete full circle when he realizes his decisions in life led to his daughter getting killed.

SE: That's twisted.

CS: She's gonna be in her mid-to-late 20's. Would fit the profile of the other victims.

SE: There are literally three episodes left. This is going to end like The Killing, isn't it?

CS: No way. Can't leave any loose ends with this since each season will have entirely different casts.

SE: I heard something about entirely different casts, but I don't see how this doesn't end in some sort of a cliffhanger. Ball is in your court True Detective.

CS: No way this show ends in cliffhanger. It may leave you with the option to decide how you think it ended, but they can't leave a real cliffhanger because they won't be able to answer them the next season. [OMD: I'm with Craig on this one.]

SE: Well praise the Church of Cohle for that.

CS: Do you think Woody and he have matching "All Around Cowboy" belt buckles, or is that just something Woody got to steal from the set of The Cowboy Way?

SE: I think we are on to Woody as a set thief. First the White Men Can't Jump shirt and now this The Cowboy Way belt buckle. I can't wait until they go bowling and he has a clear ball with a rose in it.

CS: Not only that, but he practically stole a line from the movie Kingpin. "YOU DON'T MOW ANOTHER MAN'S LAWN!"

Follow Stan Earnest @StanEarnest and Craig Scholes @AnAverageGatsby.

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