Sunday, September 8, 2013

Breaking Down: Breaking Bad Season Five, Episode Thirteen

"To'hajiilee" brings us a cat-and-mouse game between Team White and Team Pinkman/Schrader. A chase into the deep recesses of the New Mexican desert allows Jesse and Hank to get the best of Walt for the first time ever, but only for a few minutes until Meth Damon and the Desert Road Truckers show up.

"I told you Huell likes his ribs with spicy sauce. Dry rub! No wonder he fucked us."
Stan Earnest: Fucking Huell.

Craig Scholes: FUCKING HELL!

SE: Never thought Walt would be in a Mike situation. Mike was dead to rights when he had to leave his granddaughter at the park. Now Walt is at the same place. It is rather honorable that Walt would surrender instead of shooting it out, but alas the Uncles of Anarchy are void of nobility.

CS: Yeah, Meth Damon and the Uncles of Anarchy are stone cold. And Meth Damon clearly has a burning groin for Lady Banjo Eyes. I picture him in a shitty duplex with a shrine in his bedroom, complete with hair dolls and stolen mugs with lipstick stains. Wait a minute, didn't you call Gomez as being the first casualty?

SE: Oh holy hell, I did, I did! What do I win?

CS: You win a fresh batch of snot yellow meth courtesy of Landry himself.

SE: I want to totally rip into this plot line, and Jesse was totally unconvincing on the phone, but what would make Walt not believe him?

CS: Like Hank said, there is no way Walt's greed would let him see clearly. I half expected them to cut to a tape recorder of Jesse with a phone taped to it.

SE: For the first time in the series I don't like Jesse here, it's just a feeling I have. Damn this show for making me feel strange about morality.

CS: Yeah, but you knew all of this was gonna happen.

SE: I do love the cat-and-mouse feel to this episode. No way Jesse doesn't blow their cover if he gets that message from Andrea.

CS: For sure.

SE: How about Walt Jr. ogling over Saul. Maybe he will be Saul's first customer on the Better Call Saul show. He is so on the blue.

CS: The Better Call Saul show is going to be a prequel though.  There is no way Saul Goodman stays in the business after all of this. I might actually dislike Walt Jr. more than Skysenberg. Such a fucking doofus.

SE: Huell is the real doofus. Hank was working dark forces here. I was wondering what the call to Marie was about, but now I know. Last goodbyes. I figure Gomez and Hank are done, but what about Jesse? Does he make it out alive?

CS: Yeah, I think Jesse makes it out alive, and I think he overhears the guys saying something like, "Do you still want us to kill him?" That will be even more uncomfortable. Why isn't there a brand of furniture called "Comfort Table”? 

SE: That will be the name of the table at which Marie and Skyler have their next family meal. Breaking Bad loves irony.

CS: Thanksgiving is going to be really awkward.

SE: But the green beans will be delicious.

CS: It’s all about the stuffing though.

SE:  I was really hoping the Uncles had at least a bazooka with them.

CS: Or one dude with crazy eyes that just showed up with a trident.

SE: Uncle Jack is not tolerant of tridents. He's more of a shank on a pole type of guy.

CS: Are we just going to gloss over that Breaking Bad pulled a White Men Can't Jump by having a fake death pic?

The Original Walt and Jesse.
SE: I knew I had seen that somewhere. Huell did sound like Rosie Perez when he saw that pic. I bet Huell was really wishing he would have gone to Mexico with that money.

CS: The fake brains used in that picture is the second worst thing I've seen on TV tonight, the worst being this horrible Giants/Cowboys football game. Right now, Huell is wishing he had done a lot of things.

SE: It would have been more realistic if he said, "Can you guys at least pick me up a couple racks of ribs if I'm gonna stay here?"

CS: I’m surprised Hank didn't make a crack about getting him a Madea flick. The low-hanging fruit would be to just make a generic list of things Huell would rather be doing. It would turn into a list of getting food, and being fat and lazy. I’m not sure either of us is in a position to throw stones here.

SE: Yeah, I ate an entire medium pizza watching the Chefs game today, slept through the late games, and then prepped for Breaking Bad by checking fantasy football scores. 

When Walt was leaned up against that rock, I had no clue how the scene was going to play out. I did enjoy the Robbie Alomar job Jesse did on Walt though. That interaction really drives home how much Walt cared for Jesse compared to how he cares for Hank. He only cares about Hank enough to not kill him.

CS: Except now Walt is willing to kill Jesse but not Hank.

SE: Irony I tell you! The show loves it!

CS: Just like spoons when all you needed was a knife.

SE: I think Walt accepted his fate because he was thinking of a way out without certain death. I bet instead of shooting it out, he thought he could post bail and cook enough meth to make enough money before he died.

CS: The whole time though Walt kept saying that Jesse didn't snitch. Once he came to the realization that Jesse snitched, he gave up.

SE: Now that the episode has finally soaked in, I'm really in awe of this plot line. Walt is almost post Breaking Bad at this point. His redemption road is watching everybody he loves die at others' hands while he watches helplessly.

CS: I think he has hit full-on survival mode. I don't think he cares about anyone but numero uno anymore. Sociopaths do not care about who they've wronged.

SE: Something crazy has to happen with Marie. No way Walt can leave Skysenberg, Junior, and Holly behind with Hank dead and Marie on the loose.

CS: I’m sticking with him faking his own death. It’s the only way he can let his family keep their family.

SE: I think it is the logical step.

CS: Skysenberg and Marie can't settle their differences with Walt still in the picture.

SE: Speaking of the Cowboys/Giants football game, the Matrix-style camera system they are using should totally be employed next week for the replay of the shootout.

CS: Jesus, none of those horrible shots from either Hankenstein or Uncle Jack could hit water if they fell out of a boat.  Maybe we could get John Madden with a teleprompter breaking it down as to why no one could hit anything.

SE: Well for one thing, Todd was just firing the weapon to be firing a weapon, I had flashbacks to Spike Jonze in Three Kings. Next week we get the cold open where no one was hit, and they have to go back into town to buy more ammo. 

CS: I can't wait to see the webisode of some sketchy meth junky collecting all the spent shells so he can take them to a recycling center so he can buy a tiny bag of meth. The circle of life.

A new Eureka podcast up here about how vacation sucks
Follow Craig on Twitter @anaveragegatsby and Stan @StanEarnest

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