Monday, September 23, 2013

Breaking Down: Breaking Bad Season Five, Episode Fifteen: "Granite State"

"Granite State" brings us Walt's transformation from Mr. Chips into Mr. Lambert, hiding out in the backwoods of New Hampshire. Meanwhile, Jesse merrily cooks away for the Uncles of Anarchy, while they torture the ABQ with their boyish charm. A steady diet of Ensure and scotch whiskey lead Walt on his path to a healthy recovery from cancer.

The look of disgust after realizing Huell lifted the M60
Craig Scholes: Hank would still be alive, if only Marie continued to wear purple.

Shane England: Can I just adopt Robert Forster as my uncle?

CS: I know I've seen him in many, many things, but none of them are coming to mind.

SE: Jackie Brown most recently sticks in my head, but every cop show ever before that.

CS: I don't watch a lot of cop shows.

SE: My lord, you could derail a fucking 20,000-ton coal train.


SE: IMDB to the rescue!

This episode is going to be hard to do our thing on, but I will add this: The other day, I decided to enjoy the nice weather and just stand outside my car for a few moments. Looking up at a streetlight amidst a sunny day, I realized that I’m going to miss Breaking Bad. Even if one doesn’t like the concept of the show, the cinematography has to be appreciated. I just feel that it made me look at the world in a different way, that any object could take on a life of its own. I was standing next to a busy traffic way with a lush forest of shimmering trees just beyond the city life--just another random location--but I felt like it could be a location where The Disappearerer could pick me up. I'm guessing you probably had to be there in my body to get the feeling, but I just want to be thankful for a show in which there was extra thought and added meaning applied to the inanimate objects that surround our lives. Other shows just haphazardly film what they can in a mad dash to produce the 23-episode season in two weeks.

CS: Now you're just making shit up.

SE: I will say I was rocking out the Eureka podcast the other day, and I think you hit on something interesting. Shows stagnate when the protagonist isn't in harms way. That is why Dexter has gotten dry. We know were it is going; we know he won't get caught. This is why Boardwalk Empire started kicking ass when Nucky had his ass against the wall.

CS: I feel like I need to make a dick joke.

SE: I could keep waxing it on the poetic side, but yeah we need a dick joke. My dick is so big, its nickname is Heisenberg.

CS: That joke is as pathetic as the TV reception in Mr. Lambert's cabin.

SE: I loved that Walt and Saul were in white shirts like they were already in prison.
My dick is so strong, it snorts ricin to get high.

CS: I think we now know who the ricin is for.

SE: It would be so petty of him to black out his ex-partners at Gray Matter.

CS: Which is exactly what he is going to do. If there is any one distinctive trait of Walt, it is pettiness.

SE: Such a big matter has been made of Lydia's stevia addiction that I hope it's for her. Mr. White in the cafe with the ricin-laced stevia.

CS: I guess it’s possible, as she is the one who is advocating for the offing of Skyler.

SE: I loved how on the preview for Talking Bad they offered, "Tonight we discuss if Walt will take Saul's advice." When has Walt ever taken advice? Tonight on Talking Bad: "Does the pope shit in the woods?"

CS: Saul should have just karate chopped Walt in the throat when he started to go Heisenberg in the vacuum dungeon.

SE: I have always been rooting for that evil bastard Walter White. Do you think this episode turns more folks to his side for the epic gun battle?

CS: I don't see there being a gun battle. I think Walt is going to use the machine gun as intimidation. No way he goes down in a blaze of glory.

SE: I don’t think Walt is much for Bon Jovi anyhow, but it's perfect that Jesse is in a real dungeon because he is out of harm’s way until all the Nazis are gone. Then we get the final showdown.

CS: If Walt dies, Flynn is the one who kills him.

SE: Is there anybody that has flipped quicker than Flynn against his father?

CS: I don't know, and I don't fucking care. I wish Flynn would have died in the first 5 minutes of that show.  I hate that character so much.

SE: I don't quite understand that, but when do we get the Todd/Flynn spinoff? I want to see those two in business together.

CS: The character of Flynn is just stupid.  He didn't inherit even the tiniest bit of his father’s intelligence. He flies off the handle. He bitches and whines. I get that he is a teenager, but I also hate teenagers.

SE: Let's keep this hate going, so Jesse is tortured further by his lady friend being offed. I think they did that more as a safety measure than to show Jesse.

CS: Safety from what?  She didn't know anything.

SE: They didn't know that though. The only reason Skyler is alive is because Todd respects Walt.

CS: Exactly, they didn't kill Skyler because he respects Walt. They killed what’s-her-face because they don't give a fuck about Jesse.

SE: The Uncles of Anarchy are really sweet on women. The best torture for them would be to lock them up and have Skyler and Marie take turns dominating them.

CS: I think Landry is going to get spurned by Lady Banjo Eyes, and he kills her.

SE: Whoa, good call. I like that.

CS: Walt was going to turn himself in, he saw the interview, and now he's going back. He's going back to kill the Gray Matter folks, or he is going to frame them.

SE: So you are joining the crazy-talk-Breaking-Bad-theory bunch? That gun machine gun is going to get used like a mother fucker. The Nazis are getting mowed down. And then there will be the epic Jesse/Walt showdown.

CS: No, I clearly said the machine gun is going to be a power play.  Has Walt even shot a gun?

SE: Quit trolling. He blew the shit out of those super lab goons. Craig, Craig, Craig, Chekhov’s gun always gets used by The Vince Gilligan.

CS: What does Star Trek have to do with Gilligan’s Island?

SE: So what do you think Walt did in that cabin for months on end? He probably beat Huell's record for hiding out by 3,000 fold.

CS: I don’t know, but I would have gone insane.  Also giving yourself chemo is pretty fucking hardcore.

Also fun fact: New Hampshire is the Payphone Capital of the World.

SE: What a fantastic line by Robert Forster when Chemo Sah-be asked him to give the money to his family: "If I said 'yes,' would you believe me?"
From Walt's cabin library

CS: What was the end game with his $11 million in cabin cash?

SE: I think that was the whole point, that Walt had no end game. I was really wanting a clip of newspaper of Jessie's girl getting offed with Walter wondering what that was about.

CS: Going back to Jesse, it's amazing that handcuff lock technologies have NEVER advanced.  I mean really, what kind of jank-ass system can be picked with a shitty paper clip.

Shout-out to Steven Colbert's Americone Dream ice cream though.

SE: And you're telling me that he twists that paper clip back to normal after he is done and clips it back up? No way.

CS: That was just a montage.

SE: I wanted a montage of the newspaper clippings Walt had up on his wall.

CS: Breaking Bad has really had some nice montages over the course of the series. 

My brother once told me that he kept a handcuff key behind his belt in the back belt loop at all times, so when he had his hands handcuffed behind his back the key would be right there and he could get away. He also told me it came in handy more times than I could even imagine. My brother also told me he couldn't watch Breaking Bad because it hits too close to home.

SE: Which means he associates too closely with Badger.

CS: Yeah, he had many Badgers and Skinny Petes in his crew before he was exiled from this time zone.

SE: So let's take some odds to end this: Skyler dies (5/1), Walt lives (2/1), Todd kills Lydia (10/1), Jesse kills Walt (2/1), Brock becomes a meth dealer in the Saul spinoff (12/1), and how about this one: Walt wins (10/1).

CS: Marie goes back to wearing purple (1/2), Flynn does something stupid (off), Ghost of Hank comes back for a weird Patrick Swayze/Demi Moore moment in Ghost with his minerals (25/1), Skyler switches to non-filters (5/1).

SE: Well, we can guarantee the last episode will be non-filtered.

CS: I have no idea how they are going to wrap this up in about 60 minutes of television.

SE: Better than if Chemo Sah-be would have just died in his cabin eating canned green beans.

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