Monday, September 3, 2012

Breaking Down: Breaking Bad, Season Five, Episode Eight

"Gliding Over All" brings us a reminiscent Walter White. Heisenberg orchestrates a few prison shankings while keeping Lydia alive to grow the business. The business grows and grows and grows. A cancer scan turns Walt into a big softy, dumping cash at Jesse's front door and proclaiming he is out of the business. Walt Whitman has something to say about that though.

Gus Fring post Robocop reconstruction
Stan Earnest: Zombie Gale is pissed. He is after Walter White. He was the Garfunkel to the Simon, the Slash to the Axl, the Ono to the Lennon, the Louise to the Thelma, the Whitney to the Bobby, and Walt had to go and ruin it. First the coffee pot being tossed across the room, and now he is leaving messages for Hank. Walter White is doomed.

Craig Scholes: So you are telling me AMC is going to do a Breaking Bad/Walking Dead season to wrap up Breaking Bad next year? BRILLIANT!

SE: Why not? I'm still waiting for the digital world to give me a Rocky/Rambo combo with dueling Sylvester Stallones.

CS: Why would Rocky fight Rambo though?

SE: Rocky gets kidnapped and Rambo saves him. They fight as a team. This is not an original idea by me, but it is a damn good one, and it should get made.

CS: A better idea would be if Conan the Barbarian was used to stop the T-800.

SE: Well, there was talk of a Saul Goodman spinoff, which would easily win the world's greatest spinoff competition.

CS: Until the Ron Swanson spinoff gets made

SE: Ron Swanson could probably use a good lawyer.

CS: Saul Goodman has to be a Libertarian too.

SE: Full disclosure time: Last week we pranked Old Man Duggan by included a plethora of ellipses and many mentions of sandals. This time I've been duped. I was 99.5% certain the spoiler I heard was correct, that Walt was going to choke out Skyler screaming, "This was for us! This was for us!" And then go into hiding. Breaking Bad, you are good, you are damn good. They planted spoilers and then had them pulled from site forums to add to the plausibility of them.

CS: The greatest trick Walter White ever played was convincing Hank Schrader that Heisenberg didn't exist. Brilliant strategery, next thing you know they will do minisodes for next year where Walter White finally owns that Lazer Tag joint.

SE: As far as Breaking Bad episodes go, there isn't much that tops this. I am so giddy right now. This episode was so fantastic. You will find no criticism here. The flash forward worked. The montage worked. The spoiler fooled me. And we finally got the Keyser Soze moment I thought would happen at the end of Season 4.

CS: Of course Landry has an in with a Neo-Nazi white supremacist group. Why wouldn't he?

SE: And the ricin didn't get used...AGAIN!

CS: That ricin is going to be a teaser forever; it’s never getting used.

Uncle Miltey isn't afraid of Heisenberg
SE: This was the writers pulling a Milton Berle. They always pull out enough to impress, but never go full monty. So Walter White is "out" huh, isn't that sweet? Well, Hank is going to pull you back in buddy!

CS: Isn't that how the bad guy always go down? A gifted Walt Whitman book? When I first saw the book, I thought it was going to be hollowed out with something stashed in it Shawshank Redemption style. I didn't even see that it was a Walt Whitman book. Of course, I also thought when Flynn went to go get the sunscreen to put on Holly that he was going to drop a little baggie of blue meth.

SE: Most productive dump ever. I thought that first shower scene was weird. Just never forget that Breaking Bad does not waste a scene. Whenever you think it is pointless, it will pendulum your ass in the face. I think Walt said it right the first time when he said, "Nothing stops this train." I mean think about it. What could he possibly do to get out? Sell his recipe? No chance that ever happens. Someone would bring him back in, but he was probably just lying anyhow.

CS: I dunno, I bet literally having a mountain of cash would be a sobering realization. I'd count all those monies many times too, just to do it.

SE: Didn't you think for a second that Walt was going to leave Jesse the entire pile, and totally punk his family?

CS: Not for a second.

SE: I can't wait to see the internet calculations on how much money that was. If only 3% of America's economy is cold hard cash, then it was all in that room.

CS: I’m watching the replay now, and I missed the part in the epic montage of how much Saul clearly hates himself now. Which is crazy that one of the sketchiest of all-time sketchy ambulance chasers actually feels dirty.

SE: Saul isn't the only one weary. Jesse was quite worried himself. That is how far Walt has come. Everyone around him is afraid. So how amazing was the montage? Does it rank up there with the Goodfellas montage?

This episode reminds me of something Billy Corgan said one time about music. It was something about how he started making music because of all of the late 80s music he heard on the radio sucked and he wanted to do something better. Well, I can sit down and write and rewrite a million scripts over a million years and never touch this level of entertainment.

CS: Never seen Goodfellas.

SE: Don't make me pop your eyeball out for not watching a mobster movie.

CS: That ranks right up there with the Rocky IV montage, which has to go on the Rushmore of all time epic montages.

SE: Somewhere, the Grantland writers are furiously putting together a montage tournament.

CS: One of my best good buddies took an AV class in college, and he had to make a montage, so he made a montage of him making a montage to the song “Montage”. That teacher shows that video to his classes now.

SE: Rad. The montage missed a scene though: Junior in the bathroom snorting the crystal blue persuasion.

CS: Do you think the DVD's will have the deleted scene of Walt throwing Skyler down on that mountain of cash and forcing himself on her?

SE: The only thing more haunting than that would be a prison shanking montage. Oh wait, we already had one of those. That had to be the darkest 5 minutes in television history. That was gruesome.

CS: Or, better yet, will it have Walt doing the backstroke in a mountain of cash like Scrooge McDuck. The prison shanktasterpiece was pretty awesome

SE: I'm not the most intelligent person in the world, but I think it would probably be a little wiser to spread that money around to several storage units. I mean, you're one good fire away from losing a billion dollars in cash. If we haven't seen Walt pissed yet, that would probably do it.

CS: Even smart people get overwhelmed. And clearly Skyler is all out of fucks. Of course, I don't get the nice convenient stack under a flowered sheet. I would have those different denominations stacked in each of the corners to ease the counting of it.

SE: So was the mountain of cash the thing that "sobered" up Walt, or was it the return of the cancer? I think he saw that mountain of cash and imagined that whole storage facility rented out with each unit full of the different denominations.

CS: Probably both. Walt having cancer is going to make him want to spend the rest of his time with the people he cares about, and giving Jesse duffel bags of cash is similar to a person who is about to commit suicide giving away their belongings.

SE: I think it also has a lot to do with how they remember him. Of course the writers have a way of making Walter somehow redeemable after he orders the deaths of 9 people in 2 minutes.

CS: The reminiscing about the old RV was a pretty sweet scene.

SE: I hope the Weeds writers watch the Blu-Ray of this season on a loop until they figure out how to plot out a season of television, because Breaking Bad just pulled a total cliffhanger to end a season, and I liked it. That hardly ever happens. We still have no clue what the M60 is for, and we don't even care. We totally got Keyser Soze'd.

So what predictions do you have going forward? I think the Hank-blamed-as-Heisenberg plot is totally at play here.

CS: Why would Hank take the fall for Heisenberg?

SE: Because Walt will MacGyver his way out of it, just watch. Hank's fingerprints are all over this thing. He showed up in perfect timing for Tuco. The cartel has come after him. He has unknowingly taken dirty money for his therapy. He will wind up on a wild goose chase after Walter and end up at a lab with his fingerprints all over it. Then a mechanical device drops a Heisenberg hat on his bald head just as Gomez shows up and has his own Keyser Soze moment. Meanwhile, Walter slowly dies in a random hospital bed.

CS: No way Skyler lets Walt do that to Hank and Marie.

SE: There is still a vial of ricin to be used bro.

CS: I think Hank simmers on it for a bit and then says something to Marie, who absolutely loses her fucking mind calling Hank insane, only to plant the doubt in her mind. Walt gives himself the ricin before he kills Skyler.

SE: By the way, I want to thank everybody that has been following along with us. I am a fan first and enjoy doing this. Secondly, I want to give a big shout out again to the guys at Bald Move; their Breaking Good podcast is the best one of them all. They actually read my random emails on the waves from time to time.

CS: I have no idea why anyone would have put up with me this long, or why you have tortured yourself with proof-reading my incoherent ramblings and random capitalization

SE: The best part of that last statement was that you put a dash in proofreading. Now say something funny to close this bitch out.

CS: I was talking about the ramblings I have written on dough that is reaching its proper age before being used to make pizza.

So…what show are we doing next? I still think it would be fun to rip a bad show to pieces.

SE: Yes! The Killing, Season Seven up next. We finally find out who killed Rosie.

CS: Nope, in Season Seven we find out the Illuminati was involved. We leave you with Mike Ehrmantraut's first ever acting role:

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