Sunday, January 17, 2010

Man on Film: Avatarded

So this is the film we get when James Cameron takes 12 years to make a movie? A movie in which the plot is directly cut-and-pasted from Pocahontas, Dances With Wolves, and Fern Gully? I thought that there would maybe be some aspect of the film that would grab me. Something that would surprise me.

There was so little thought involved in the actual crafting of a screenplay that the massive success of this film makes me worry for the future of mankind. The reports of depression from people wishing they lived on Pandora* make me wonder about the general state of mind of the general populace. Pandora is, after all, just an adolescent's dream of a fantasy world in which gravity apparently doesn't apply to some rocks, evolutionary logic is ignored, and the entire world is essentially a brain. Seriously?

*And this name is absurd. He couldn't have chosen a name for a planet that somehow made symbolic sense? Don't even get me started on "unobtainium" and the fact that they are stripping this planet for a metal that isn't clearly for energy needs.

Whatthefuckever. This retread piece of shit left me wanting for so much more that I'm sitting here shocked that any group of morons, let alone the morons who make up the Golden Globe electorate, could come together and find this film anything other than a simple, yawn-inducer, that leaves you with a headache that could have been caused by any of the following factors:
  • Inane dialogue colored with tedious faux-science and simplistic nationalism
  • The unshakeable sense of deja vu that sets in after every scene only to realize that you have in fact seen it before... in fucking Dances With Wolves
  • 3-D forcing you to shift your focus all about the screen while the backgrounds all look like blurry nonsense
  • The constant battle between dimwittedness and borderline racism that any scenes involving the Na'Vi wages
  • The overload of naive hippie propaganda shook you to your core
The bottom line: This is such a jumbled shit-heap that I cannot help but worry about my fellow man because they keep trotting out to this in droves.

Of one thing I am sure... James Cameron is the king of the fucking douchebags.

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