Wordy Old Men on Boardwalk Empire: Season Four, Episode Two "Resignation"

This week, chickens come home to roost at The Onyx Club, Nucky prepares to become a Rays fan, Eddie Kessler steps up to the plate, and we find out that Nucky has two new potential threats.

Old Man Duggan: Well, the handful of things that were left unclear last week were made a little more clear this week. While I liked last week's episode well enough, it did seem like something was missing. With the stage having been set, Howard Korder and Dennis Lehane got to play around in this rich world this week. Now last week we didn't quite get around to talking about this last week, but Lehane has been brought on as a Consulting Producer [for those who may not know this, Consulting Producers typically have a little more input than a regular [writer-]Producer does, but obviously doesn't have the authority that the Executive Producers and showrunner would have] this year, which for me is a big deal. Given the subject matter and setting in his last book, Live By Night, and where Nucky is heading, I'm goddamn giddy. Even if the rumored Lehane/Pelecanos series gets picked up by HBO, this could be a great season. Pelecanos has also been brought on this season, but just as a writer.

Wordy Ginters: Stellar writing stable. I believe Pelecanos worked on both The Wire and Treme, Regardless, as a crime fiction fan, I share your giddiness. Lehane is a contemporary giant of the genre. This is where HBO has the edge on other TV serial dramas. Top shelf on everything from the writing to the cinematography to the acting.

OMD: Yes, Pelecanos was a scribe on The Wire and Treme. I do wonder if he was a bigger name if he, too, would be a Consulting Producer.

Onto this week's business: This week's big winner was Eddie. "Mr. Thompson is part of everything. He is in the sky and sea. He's in the dreams of children at night. He is all that there is. Forever." The look of revelation on Nucky's face when he delivers that screed is fucking priceless. I loved him coming to Nucky imploring that he entrust him with more responsibility. Respect. Seriously, this was a great episode for Anthony Laciura to work his chops a bit.

WG: I thought Eddie was riffing on Maggie Gyllenhaal from Secretary in that first scene. Poaching the eggs a little too long. Spilling the coffee. Dissing Nucky’s delicate undergarments. The petulance indicated he wanted something, but I didn’t know exactly what. It will be fun to see him establish a beachhead in Florida. Eddie blotting the coffee stain reminded me of the “stain blotting” from my favorite video by The Oh Sees, “Lupine Dominus.”

OMD: I guess we know what Harrow was up to. Gun for hire in a Strangers on a Train scenario. How long until an old man hazards death crawling underneath an out-of-control carousel?

WG:  Sooner that we think. A dog-eared copy of The Chessmen from Mars playing the role of lighter.

OMD: And while we're on the subject of Harrow, my money is on him not being done killing quite yet, seeing as though Carl Billings's old partner ended up with his brains dripping down the walls of his office. What sort of shit was this guy into? Gun underneath his jacket. Gun in the desk. Multiple men wanting to make sure you're taking a dirt nap. I can't help but wonder where this is taking Harrow's story. Seeing as though his business was in Milwaukee, I'm guessing he has to turn people into sausage. Sidenote: I'll be damned if the husband and father of two daughters dead in his office the second time around didn't look like he had to have been Jim Beaver's brother.

Ellsworth's kin are in Milwaukee?

WG: Brother of Ellsworth. I was getting a John Malkovich vibe. I read a pre-season interview with Terence Winter, and he specifically mentioned that Harrow’s early episode activities were intentionally vague. I want to know why sis walks with a limp, and what happened to her beloved Gerald. Could they be more stoic? No. None more stoic. Does Harrow’s obvious affection for Sampson lend weight to the great scene from Season Two episode “Gimcrack and Bunkum,” when Harrow was basically saved from suicide by a Sampson look alike mutt who stole his face plate? Let me answer that for you: Hell yes.

OMD: Good catch on the call-back.

I liked how they played with Agent Knox's angles this episode. Given his willingness to see Agent Sawicki offed and his lack of concern afterwards, I doubt we've seen the last reveal as to what Knox is actually up to. Regardless, enter J. Edgar into the mix. I'm going to be a bit upset if we don't see him in a dress by season's end. Unfortunately, however this plays out, it seems that we might end up seeing Eli in the clink when next season opens in 1925. Are we to believe that Gaston Means doesn't actually know what Knox is up to, or is he playing a different angle?

WG: Means is fantastic. Who knows how that crooked puppeteer will queer things? As long as he gives play-by-play in that syrupy everywhere-but-nowhere Janus-faced dialect, I’m on board. I also look forward to seeing J. Edgar and Knox hoofing it to some Gershwin. Knox is an interesting character. I’m a sucker for the faux-rube put on. Reminds me of Lou Ford from The Killer Inside Me.

OMD: Silent Cal shit-canned Daugherty. An Amherst classmate of Coolidge's Harlan F. Stone is his replacement, and as Treasury Agent Elliot found out in a closed-door meeting, now there's a Bureau of Investigation. Stone takes a seat on the Supreme Court in 1925, so I guess we'll see if he pops up.

WG: Has to be a challenge for Winter to deal with source material ripped from the history books. He hews closer to the spirit of things more than details. I’m not a huge historical fiction fan, but when you dig into legendary gangsters like Capone, the Prohibition Era, and figures like Rothstein and J. Edgar Hoover, I’m on board.

OMD: Dr. Valentin Narcisse. This wacky Trinidadian seems interesting. Libyans. Nordic tribe. Perhaps purity obsessed. I, for one, am very glad that Alma Pastor was taken care of. What an unconvincing tale of fictitious rape. Nucky was not buying it for a second. Narcisse apparently wasn't either, although I guess it wouldn't have mattered if he did or didn't. I suppose it was best that she was left where she was, if for no other reason than for Nucky and Chalky to know that episode was behind him. I'm sure Bader is none too pleased.

Winston

WG: Dr. Valentin Narcisse is straight out of a Tea Party fever dream. You can imagine him surrounding voting precincts in the suburbs with militant-looking jazz musicians and tap dancers. Isn’t he played by the same dude who set up Bill Murray’s logistics in Broken Flowers? As soon as they dumped Alma, he dropped a sweet Ethiopian Afro-Beat jazz mix-tape into the stereo for the ride back to NYC. I like him because he plays against stereotypes a little bit. The Capone family comes off a little too Mario Brothers for my liking. O’Banion has a facet or two. Early results indicate Narcisse lacks the unpredictably predictable volcano rage of past heels like my man Gyp, but in some indistinct way, he comes off far more powerful and creepy.

OMD: Jeffrey Wright was, in fact, Winston in Broken Flowers. On assumes that Jarmusch was unable to get Ernie Hudson to reprise the role.

Between Narcisse, Knox, and to presumably a lesser degree Hoover, this season should have some interesting forces pushing against Nucky. I wish I didn't have to wait a week to see what happens.

WG: I also bait with waited breath.

Breaking Down: Breaking Bad Season Five, Episode Fourteen "Ozymandias"

In this episode, Hank takes a trip to Belize with his partner Gomez leading people to believe he had a secret gay relationship, Walt and his family take to the road to start a traveling family band, and Todd and Jesse open a 50's-themed diner together.

Craig Scholes: Alright sirs (and the female version of sirs), Stan has decided to have fun this weekend, and it has compromised our Breaking Bad format a tad.  So Yours Truly will be helming this word salad of a breakdown. I feel bad for anyone who actually reads this.

Stan Earnest: Just letting you know I'll be watching this naked. Flashback!

CS: MOAR TIGHTY WALTER WHITES! Well that flashback seemed relatively pointless.

SE: Unless Holly bites the dust.

Knocking as we speak.

CS: Holly is the one who knocks.

SE: Literally. Knock knock knocking on labia's door.

CS: HOLY SHIT!

SE: This is just fucking madness.

CS: First, the Uncles of Anarchy come to Walt's rescue; then they go against his wishes; and finally they take his money.

SE: I love that Hank told him how stupid he is.

CS: I'm speechless. HOLY SHIT! HO. LEE. SHIT!

SE: Shouldn't our column just be like random sentences of nonsensical thought after that?

[OMD: As the one doing the final editing on this, no.]

CS: That was insane.

[OMD: One assumes that they're talking about Hank getting offed, but as you'll see this is much more of a live-blogging (without actually live-blogging) than a typical Breaking Down entry. Your guess, dear reader, is as good as mine.]

SE: The way he told Jesse about Jane was chillingly believable to the point where Jesse knows it is unequivocally true.  Did you know it takes them like a month to "break" one episode? Piece it together where it makes sense.

CS: Don't care. I can't wait to see how Walt lies about what happened. Jesus, Marie likes to stick her nose intp shit.

SE: Is Jesse Pinkman the most tortured soul in the history of everything?

CS: I can't think of a character who has been put through more hell.

SE: No wonder they have been setting Todd up as a sadistic fuck

CS: That photo of the only two people Jesse cares about is just cruel.

SE: I feel like I need to bathe myself in holy water.

CS: The write-up of this is gonna be all over the place and incoherent.

[OMD: Yes, yes it is.]

SE: It's on you, bro. Just kind of joke around about what happened, and make fun of the fact that no coherency can be made of the episode. So Todd stopped them from killing Jesse not at all to find out what he knows. The diabolical bastard.

Crucifictorious rides again 

CS: Landry don't give a fuck. I hate Flynn so much.

[OMD: But I do. I love Landry so much. The empire is yours, you magnificent bastard. Run with it. The world is your goddamn oyster.]

SE: How much money did you think AMC had to pay to use shit about a thousand times?

CS: You can say "bullshit," you can say "holy shit," but you can't say "don't step in that pile of shit." The only thing that would have made the dueling White scene any better is if after Walt's hand got sliced he recoiled and sprayed blood all over Holly's face.

SE: Tonight on Breaking Bad: The Earth splits in two.

CS: Well my Walter White fakes his own death theory got blown to shit, and that explains why they had the naming Holly flashback.

SE: The machine gun is clearly to gun down Flynn for ratting him out.

CS: God I hope so. Text I just got from a buddy: "Babies would just cramp my style in Belize."

SE: It's so awesomely batshit crazy for Walt to take the baby, and that truck hauls ass. What a fantastic buy.

CS: With the classic street drag rims too! Whelp, the producers have guaranteed that no one will be rooting for Walt. He's crossed the point of no return.

SE: No way. I'm rooting for Walt, lock, stock and smoking barrel. I hope he flattens the ABQ.

CS: Walt hauling that barrel around everywhere is kinda hilarious.

SE: That was the most intense episode of television ever.

CS: That was the fastest hour ever.

SE: It's amazing that Breaking Bad still finds the quirkiness.

CS: I guarantee we get at least one more Tighty Walter Whities scene.

SE: So the hour delay on the Seahawks/49ers game was so the crowd could watch Breaking Bad right?

CS: Sounds about right.

SE: What in the hell do you think Walt meant by "I still have things to do?"

CS: He's gonna get back his fucking paper!

SE: My guess is that Walt doesn't know Jesse is there when he blows away the Nazis, and the end is the epic showdown between Walt and Jesse.

CS: Jesse kills Walt, no way Walt walks away now.

SE: Walt kills Jesse.

CS: Skyler kills Walt.

SE: That would be my ideal scenario. Walt survives. That episode might be the best episode of anything ever. Who's the ricin for?

CS: Himself.

SE: Why would he ever take the ricin himself?

CS: So he doesn't have to be tortured.

SE: A gunshot to the head does the same thing. Walt would never spend energy to do something that could be done simpler. In your scenario you would be saying he blows the shit out of the Nazis. Then takes the ricin and divulges his entire story to the DEA or someone?

CS: I haven't got that far with my theory, but the snubnose gets taken from him. So anything else you wanna add before I try and edit this monstrosity?

SE: This could have totally ended up being an extra season long where Walt rises to kingpin of New Jersey somehow then comes back.

CS: Walt selling meth to guidos on the Jersey shore has tremendous potential.

SE: The craziest thing Walt did all episode was think that he could take his family on the road and that they wouldn't be caught.

CS: That would have been an entertaining traveling family band. Besides Flynn would have just fucked it all up.

SE: Kind of hard to hide Crippy McCrippenstein and baby Holly. I wonder if Skyler took her running technique from watching Shelly Duvall run from jack in the shining.

CS: Easily could have gotten a "Heeeeeeeere's Walter" as Heisenberg axes his way through a door.

SE: Skyler was also swinging that knife like Shelly Duvall was swinging that bat in the shining.

CS: I got nothing to add, who are we gonna wrap this up?

SE: With you saying "It's the Shinning"

CS: Jesus, this is gonna be my Vietnam.

SE: By the way, it's so much fun derailing this thing when you know you don't have to fix it, and I think of it as more of a Jesse chained to a meth lab scenario. Remember, the pain fades but the glory remains.

[OMD: Well that makes one of us.]

CS: I really feel like Im not doing this episode its justice, but editing a podcast while watching, and us really butchering talking about this episode.

SE: One last thing. I believe Walt might have been overly dramatic to keep Skyler from getting implicated knowing the police were listening.

CS: See, I was preoccupied a bit. I didn't even see Sting or Stuart Copeland in that scene.

[OMD: And once again I have to mention that this episode was directed by none other than Rian Johnson. Sure, it took until after the second commercial break to get to the credits, but Rian Johnson did direct. One has to wonder if he was responsible for the Walt rolling the barrel of money through the desert, which sure seemed like an homage to the opening of The Big Lebowski. Guys, guys, guys...]

Prick Tunes: Jason Isbell Garden & Gun Back Porch Session

So it's been damn near impossible for me to take Jason Isbell's latest solo record Southeastern out of the CD player in the car. While his previous albums had their great tracks, Southeastern is fantastic from beginning to end, finally realizing the potential that he showed while writing a few songs an album while he was still in Drive-By Truckers. His songwriting chops get the full workout that one always hoped they'd get.

Here's just a sample of the greatness on the album, with Isbell having recorded a Back Porch Session for Garden & Gun.

Wordy Old Men on Boardwalk Empire: Season Four, Episode One "New York Sour"

Just as we did for Season Three of Boardwalk Empire and for every episode of Downton Abbey, Wordy Ginters and I bounce words back and forth whilst trying to wade through what happened. This week finds the colorful cast of characters (with a couple significant exceptions) getting established in largely new environs. 

New York Sour
Two ounces bourbon, 1 ounce fresh lemon juice, 1 ounce simple syrup in a cocktail shaker. Fill with ice, cover, and shake until outside of shaker is frosty. Strain into a rocks glass filled with fresh ice. Pour 1/2 ounce red wine (Shiraz or Malbec) over the back of a spoon held just above the drink's surface so wine floats on top.

Salami

Wordy Ginters: I thought it was a good omen that Timmie Van Patten--A.K.A. Salami from The White Shadow--directed the Season Four opener. If I recall, he’s been at the helm for many of the series high points. Unlike previous seasons, this run opens at a gallop. Not much hand-holding for those new to the show, or like me, a bit foggy about how it all ended last year. Terence Winter is fucking fearless about whacking primary characters. Darmody. The Commodore. Manny Horvitz. That hapless Prohibition Agent who loosed his mortal coil via Sigrid and Van Alden’s meat tenderizer/suffocation combo. But I don’t know if I’ll be able to overcome the loss of Gyp. Dude burned like fire on the screen. He may have been sadistic, sexually deviant, a shameless ham, and obvious as all get out, but sparks were present nonetheless. The challenge for Boardwalk Empire is to keep cranking out compelling characters. I’m not sure I saw any new faves tonight.

Old Man Duggan: Yeah, I spent most of the episode alternating between being distracted trying to figure out who the fuck Harrow was offing and trying to figure out which of these new characters was going to factor in heavily to the goings-on this season. I mean maybe we'll get a big story line about the restaurant owner in Warsaw, IN, telling passersby about that spectacular contiguous brick wall, but Dickie The Cuckold sure as hell isn't factoring into much going forward. I'll be curious to see what Ron Livingston's character is really doing in Atlantic City, as I'd be surprised if he was really a Piggly Wiggly advance man, and he can't just be a love interest for junkie Gillian Darmody. As for TVP, he's directed a slew of eps, including "To the Lost" in 2012, for which he won an Emmy. He's been at the helm for each season finale and the last three season premieres. He also went to high school with Jerry Seinfeld and graduated in the same class as Brian Setzer and Brian Baldinger.

WG: I come back to this again and again, like Ned Yost and the bunting, but Jesus H. Christ, this show is beautiful to watch. The opening scene at the Tippecanoe? With the snow wafting down. It was like getting beamed inside a beautiful snow globe circa 1924. The radio station buzzing in the background. And did you notice the barkeep? If I’m not mistaken, that was the same dude from No Country For Old Men who Javier Bardem fucked with at the little gas station? Javier flipped the coin to determine whether or not he’d live or die? He’s playing the same kind of country rube here. I’m looking forward to other NCFOM alumni appearances. Speaking of which, where the hell is Margaret/Kelly MacDonald?

OMD: Good catch on the counter man. That is none other than Gene Jones reprising his role as rube. Perhaps it was Winter & Co.'s wink at the audience, seeing as though I expect any random person to get killed horrifically after Gyp's reign of terror. The scene was great, and you knew someone was going to get got. I'm still not sure why, largely because I can't remember if these guys were some unfinished business that Harrow was taking care of or if we'll find out who they were later. As for the possibly former Mrs. Thompson, your guess is as good as mine as to where she's gone off to, but I'm guessing she took a bunch of Owen's keepsakes with her.

WG: You make heads or tails of Harrow’s trail of death? Obvious that Rothstein, Masseria, and Nucky have reached a tentative détente. Lansky and Luciano are split. Nucky can go to Broadway, Harlem, Macy’s, and eat at the Russian Tea Room. Rothstein can enjoy the beach at Atlantic City (as if). I couldn’t quite piece together what Harrow was up to. Settling scores? Working for somebody?

OMD: None whatsoever. He must be settling scores, but I'll be damned if I can figure out why or for whom. I get the sense he's a lone gunman at this point, but I suppose he could surprise. Perhaps it was a familial score he was evening if a few years after the fact. The Harrow family homestead could have been seized in a shady way. As for the armistice, I might be wrong, but I think the tension with Masseria will cool to a simmer for a bit. If I'm not mistaken, Masseria is relatively quiet from now (the beginning of 1924) until 1928, but I could be oversimplifying things in that assumption.

WG: Capone with a little comic relief. And this is where things went a bit sour for me. You knew the outrage at having his name spelled wrong (fot-whosis? I ain’t nobodies fototis) would inevitably lead to bulldogging a pale and trembling reporter in some cramped office. The wrestling and the horseplay with his brothers. Beating one of them with his size 4.5 wingtip. Those damn Italians are a gregarious and hot blooded bunch, ain’t they? I get it. Capone is straining under Torrio’s leash, and hungers for more power and recognition. If only this aspect of the story telling matched the heights of the cinematography.

OMD: "New York Sour," right? I worry a bit about the Brothers Capone. I like Capone, but I want the balance between his animalistic side and the family man. I worry that the brothers stuff won't play as well.

Kinkmaster General

WG: Boardwalk Empire does kink better than True Blood. They’ve apparently replaced the erotic asphyxiation fetish with the bi-racial/cuckold/voyeur trifecta. I was hoping Purnsley was going to play out that scene with the assured sexual sophistication of David Bowie or Charles Kuralt. But you can’t fuck with Purnsley. He ain’t all that far removed from jail. I don’t know what I liked better, that she riffed on John Travolta with the “Don’t touch my hair” line, or that she was able to snare Purnsley by scrawling a crude simulacra of coitus on a napkin. She might was well have written “I'm batshit crazy” on that thing.

OMD: All I'm hoping for is that Dunn gets to finish what he started and gets to "swirl that cock" per her command. Her sketching skills were not quite where Jackie Treehorn's were, but you've got to admit there's a charm to it all. I, for one, am glad Dunn poked holes in that racist cuckold. Hell, he wasn't even very good at sitting back an laying waste to his junk. Where's the feverish jerking there, Dickie? I will say that I loved Chalky giving Dunn the business while he was disposing of Dickie's corpse. "Sweetback, Sweetback, the hell you leave the door open for? Letting all the cold in." Eli getting in on it telling him not to slam the door.

WG: Speaking of cameos, good to see Herc from The Wire joining Capone’s team.

OMD: Let's just hope his lack of attentiveness doesn't fuck over Randy a second time.

WG: Did you catch the names of Eli’s son’s college buddies: Flitch. Dobby. Tip. Henry, A.K.A. Bucket. Non-smokers all. What the hell is going on over there at Temple?

OMD: Yeah, a veritable shitshow of college boys with douchey nicknames. Temple is clearly a collegiate hellscape if we're to judge it by its dearth of shitty monikers and fetid fight song. Also, am I crazy, or did they re-cast Willie? I do not remember Eli's eldest looking like that at all.

WG: More cameos, Ron Livingston from Office Space and Swingers. He could use a knowledgeable companion. Gillian has him dead or addicted to bath salts inside of 5 episodes.

OMD: Let's hope he doesn't go the same way that the Jimmy surrogate went last season. Stay away from the bathtub, Ron. Stay away.

WG: I happened to catch a few old episodes in the run up to the new season. I was struck by how much I like this show. The meticulous attention to detail. Character development over plot. Breathing life into infamous history. Narrative that moves a notch slow, not pimping the audience on false starts or cliff hangers. That being said, there is an ingredient missing. Something about tonight’s episode seemed lacking. The end of Season Three was electric. The confrontation with Gyp and getting sideways with the New York mob. Capone riding to the rescue. The delicate balance between Nucky, Chalky and Capone’s racist gunsels. I’m conditioned to be a little disappointed to have to begin that slow build up again.

OMD: This episode definitely spent a lot of time setting the stage, and Jeffrey Wright didn't even make an appearance. I thought for sure that Eddie Cantor's friend was going to be Nucky's distraction this season, but that ain't happening. Talk about misplaying a hand. There were a lot of bodies that hit the ground in this episode, but with the exception of Warren Knox's play at the Borst farm house none of it was of the surprising variety. I guess we'll see what Knox has planned next week, at least in part, judging by the scenes for next week. We did get a glimpse of some of Nucky's bigger plans, as it looks like he's going to try to make a play in Florida, if we're to take the post card and maps in the folder to mean something (a safe bet given their penchant for wasting no moments). I think some of the let-down might be coming from the fact that we have no damn idea what Harrow was doing clipping guys across the Midwest. The two guys at the Tippecanoe were surely dickbags, but what the hell did that desk jockey do? Regardless, Terence Winter has earned my trust. I'm sure the season will have plenty of payoff.

Breaking Down: Breaking Bad Season Five, Episode Thirteen

"To'hajiilee" brings us a cat-and-mouse game between Team White and Team Pinkman/Schrader. A chase into the deep recesses of the New Mexican desert allows Jesse and Hank to get the best of Walt for the first time ever, but only for a few minutes until Meth Damon and the Desert Road Truckers show up.

"I told you Huell likes his ribs with spicy sauce. Dry rub! No wonder he fucked us."

Stan Earnest: Fucking Huell.

Craig Scholes: FUCKING HELL!

SE: Never thought Walt would be in a Mike situation. Mike was dead to rights when he had to leave his granddaughter at the park. Now Walt is at the same place. It is rather honorable that Walt would surrender instead of shooting it out, but alas the Uncles of Anarchy are void of nobility.

CS: Yeah, Meth Damon and the Uncles of Anarchy are stone cold. And Meth Damon clearly has a burning groin for Lady Banjo Eyes. I picture him in a shitty duplex with a shrine in his bedroom, complete with hair dolls and stolen mugs with lipstick stains. Wait a minute, didn't you call Gomez as being the first casualty?

SE: Oh holy hell, I did, I did! What do I win?

CS: You win a fresh batch of snot yellow meth courtesy of Landry himself.

SE: I want to totally rip into this plot line, and Jesse was totally unconvincing on the phone, but what would make Walt not believe him?

CS: Like Hank said, there is no way Walt's greed would let him see clearly. I half expected them to cut to a tape recorder of Jesse with a phone taped to it.

SE: For the first time in the series I don't like Jesse here, it's just a feeling I have. Damn this show for making me feel strange about morality.

CS: Yeah, but you knew all of this was gonna happen.

SE: I do love the cat-and-mouse feel to this episode. No way Jesse doesn't blow their cover if he gets that message from Andrea.

CS: For sure.

SE: How about Walt Jr. ogling over Saul. Maybe he will be Saul's first customer on the Better Call Saul show. He is so on the blue.

CS: The Better Call Saul show is going to be a prequel though.  There is no way Saul Goodman stays in the business after all of this. I might actually dislike Walt Jr. more than Skysenberg. Such a fucking doofus.

SE: Huell is the real doofus. Hank was working dark forces here. I was wondering what the call to Marie was about, but now I know. Last goodbyes. I figure Gomez and Hank are done, but what about Jesse? Does he make it out alive?

CS: Yeah, I think Jesse makes it out alive, and I think he overhears the guys saying something like, "Do you still want us to kill him?" That will be even more uncomfortable. Why isn't there a brand of furniture called "Comfort Table”? 

SE: That will be the name of the table at which Marie and Skyler have their next family meal. Breaking Bad loves irony.

CS: Thanksgiving is going to be really awkward.

SE: But the green beans will be delicious.

CS: It’s all about the stuffing though.

SE:  I was really hoping the Uncles had at least a bazooka with them.

CS: Or one dude with crazy eyes that just showed up with a trident.

SE: Uncle Jack is not tolerant of tridents. He's more of a shank on a pole type of guy.

CS: Are we just going to gloss over that Breaking Bad pulled a White Men Can't Jump by having a fake death pic?

The Original Walt and Jesse.

SE: I knew I had seen that somewhere. Huell did sound like Rosie Perez when he saw that pic. I bet Huell was really wishing he would have gone to Mexico with that money.

CS: The fake brains used in that picture is the second worst thing I've seen on TV tonight, the worst being this horrible Giants/Cowboys football game. Right now, Huell is wishing he had done a lot of things.

SE: It would have been more realistic if he said, "Can you guys at least pick me up a couple racks of ribs if I'm gonna stay here?"

CS: I’m surprised Hank didn't make a crack about getting him a Madea flick. The low-hanging fruit would be to just make a generic list of things Huell would rather be doing. It would turn into a list of getting food, and being fat and lazy. I’m not sure either of us is in a position to throw stones here.

SE: Yeah, I ate an entire medium pizza watching the Chefs game today, slept through the late games, and then prepped for Breaking Bad by checking fantasy football scores. 

When Walt was leaned up against that rock, I had no clue how the scene was going to play out. I did enjoy the Robbie Alomar job Jesse did on Walt though. That interaction really drives home how much Walt cared for Jesse compared to how he cares for Hank. He only cares about Hank enough to not kill him.

CS: Except now Walt is willing to kill Jesse but not Hank.

SE: Irony I tell you! The show loves it!

CS: Just like spoons when all you needed was a knife.

SE: I think Walt accepted his fate because he was thinking of a way out without certain death. I bet instead of shooting it out, he thought he could post bail and cook enough meth to make enough money before he died.

CS: The whole time though Walt kept saying that Jesse didn't snitch. Once he came to the realization that Jesse snitched, he gave up.

SE: Now that the episode has finally soaked in, I'm really in awe of this plot line. Walt is almost post Breaking Bad at this point. His redemption road is watching everybody he loves die at others' hands while he watches helplessly.

CS: I think he has hit full-on survival mode. I don't think he cares about anyone but numero uno anymore. Sociopaths do not care about who they've wronged.

SE: Something crazy has to happen with Marie. No way Walt can leave Skysenberg, Junior, and Holly behind with Hank dead and Marie on the loose.

CS: I’m sticking with him faking his own death. It’s the only way he can let his family keep their family.

SE: I think it is the logical step.

CS: Skysenberg and Marie can't settle their differences with Walt still in the picture.

SE: Speaking of the Cowboys/Giants football game, the Matrix-style camera system they are using should totally be employed next week for the replay of the shootout.

CS: Jesus, none of those horrible shots from either Hankenstein or Uncle Jack could hit water if they fell out of a boat.  Maybe we could get John Madden with a teleprompter breaking it down as to why no one could hit anything.

SE: Well for one thing, Todd was just firing the weapon to be firing a weapon, I had flashbacks to Spike Jonze in Three Kings. Next week we get the cold open where no one was hit, and they have to go back into town to buy more ammo. 

CS: I can't wait to see the webisode of some sketchy meth junky collecting all the spent shells so he can take them to a recycling center so he can buy a tiny bag of meth. The circle of life.

A new Eureka podcast up here about how vacation sucks

Follow Craig on Twitter @anaveragegatsby and Stan @StanEarnest

Breaking Down: Breaking Bad Season Five, Episode Twelve

"Rabid Dog" brings us many a reference to Old Yeller. Hank and Jesse buddy up and have a sleepover, Marie leaves an internet trace searching for poisons, and Walt contemplates teaming up with is old buddy, Uncle Jack, to solve the whole Pinkman-knows issue.

Can you imagine the plans this man could hatch if he was on a toilet and next to a pool?

Stan Earnest: Yo, bitch! Mr. White is just a decent man.

Craig Scholes: I just want to remind you that I told you Jesse was tailed to Walt's house.

SE: Great call, and I was going to make a point this week that we see Walter White as evil, but the great thing about Breaking Bad is that it is like a giant philosophical and moral thought experiment. Essentially everyone on the show is breaking bad, and it couldn't be more obvious now that Hank and Marie want to risk lives to get Walt while Skysenberg is all-in. The only redeeming person on the whole show is a doorbell-murdering meth addict. Cue Alanis Morrisette's "Ironic" with four different Jesse Pinkmans in Mike's old-ass ghetto ride.

CS: Wouldn't a Sarah McLachlan "I Will Remember You" montage be more fitting? I’m also kind of bummed that we never got a Jane montage to the tune of "Jesse's Girl" by Rick Springfield, or even better yet: a Twaughthammer cover of it sung by Badger.

SE: I really had 70s buddy cop shows in my head as Hank clicked that seat belt, strapping Jesse in.

CS: I thought he was going to give him a hug.

SE: In the words of Marie, "you idiotic stupid idiot." Warning: more sycophantic Breaking Bad love to come. Not only does Marie's therapist say, "We all lead double lives to some extent," but Marie states in response that it "feels good to think about" doing bad, bad things to Walter Hartwell White. The show is driving the point home. It is the old Bronson in Death Wish storyline: is it ok to commit a crime to stop a crime?

CS: I fell asleep reading that.

SE: Junior however can't sleep. He's on the blue!

CS: Blue Laffy Taffy maybe. Flynn is more boring than a brown station wagon.

SE: Walt should have totally hired a crew to redo the house and surprised Skyler with it being a present to "upgrade the house." Maybe he could give the producers at the HGTV a call for his new show: Design on a Dimebag. His gasoline story was trash.

Only watching if the soundtrack is Pantera

CS: Even Flynn saw through it. This episode had way too much Walt Jr.

SE: I might just donate some money to Aaron Paul's charity, so that I can hire R.J. Mitte to smack you with one of those crutches.

CS: I'd duck and kick the other one.

SE: I love the J.J. Watt "Shot You Down" fantasy football commercials. We need a Walter White version of this commercial where he gloats after killing people. "Shot you down, Gus. Hey, that chicken smells great. Keep up the good work."

CS: It really is crazy the extremes to which the show has gone to try and make you feel sorry for Walt: special needs child, cancer, chud wife, the Aztek, shitty former boss. 

SE: You bring up a good point. I figure a lot of people are going to be up in arms about this episode being the whole let's-feel-sorry-for-Mr.-White-again episode. It just figures that the tiniest little thing turns the situation toxic. It was just a bald man playing with his daughter. I'm never going to feel the same way when I push my girl on a swing at a park again!

CS: I think the tides have turned on the show now. They really are playing the villain card at every turn now, even when he is innocent.

SE: There is a further philosophical question in there. All these things that make us feel sorry for Walter White are also what are contributing to his madness right? Nature and nurture are mixing a wicked cocktail here.

CS: Well, you pull off enough shit you eventually start to feel invincible. Walt has nearly completely lost touch with reality.

SE: Hank is the one that has lost touch with reality. No evidence from any of this fiasco is ever getting admitted. He is basically just burning the house down while standing inside of it.

CS: Hank knows he doesn't have shit. That’s why he needed the wire. He wants to get Walt to admit everything. I think Hank is the only person who really knows what he has got himself in.  No one else really fully knows the capacity of Walt’s devious intelligence. 

SE: What is your take on Skysenberg? She is ruthless. No wonder Anna Gunn ran that op-ed piece.

CS: I didn't read the piece because I can't stand her character that much.

SE: Irony just SHOT YOU DOWN.

CS: ?

SE: The whole piece is about how people should separate Anna Gunn the actress from Skyler White the character.

CS: I don't hold any ill towards the actress, but I don't give a shit what she has to say either.

SE: Craig Scholes, everyone. Craig Scholes.

CS: It’s not like I see her on something that's not Breaking Bad and just ooze hatred at her.

SE: Please tell me the DVD box set will have the full nine-hour Jesse Pinkman confession.

CS: That was some merciful editing.

SE: Even though this episode was the seemingly natural progression from last week, it seems as if this was the breather episode. Take a deep breath, and get ready for madness. Any thoughts for next week?

CS: I hope Jesse's plan this week is "MAGNETS BITCH!" No way Jesse claimed to killing Gale by the way. Speaking of DVD Box Sets and Gale, I can't wait to see the 27-disc Time-Life Gale karaoke collection.

SE: Chuck Klosterman made a point that he thinks that most showrunners seem to satisfy themselves with their show's ending while Vince Gilligan seems to be wanting to satisfy the customer. On top of this, on the Breaking Bad Insider podcast, Gilligan revealed that a fan he met through the Make-A-Wish Foundation changed his feelings on how the show should end. I don't really have a point here other than the hope that the show gets back to the pacing of last week's "Confessions."

CS: I don't have a response to any of that.

SE: Wait, you have seen Lost and The Sopranos, and you don't have a response to that? Let's just pray the screen doesn't go black halfway through the final episode.

CS: I don't get the comparisons of Lost to Breaking Bad.  Lost to me always seemed convoluted, like the writers were trying to prove how smart they were.  Breaking Bad is always focused. If you ask me, there are more parallels to Arrested Development than Lost.  Nothing was wasted in Arrested Development; everything meant something and was referenced several times.

SE: Wow, that actually makes sense.

CS: You're goddamn right it does.