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| Skysenberg's new scam: a tunnel to smuggle drugs into Belize |
Stan Earnest: *69 episode! Call-backs out the wazoo.
Craig Scholes: Fucking cliffhanger!
SE: Good to see Skyler has gone full on Tammy Wynette on
that ass.
CS: Full blown
Stockholm Syndrome.
SE: More like stockpile of money syndrome.
CS: BOOM!
SE: And Bill Burr!
CS: If the Better Caul Saul show takes off, I hope Bill Burr
is in it.
SE: Bill Burr is a lock for that show. Of all the things
Walt does, by far the dumbest idea ever was to not immediately split that money
up when Skyler showed it to him. Then what does he do? Buries it all in one
location. This seriously might be the thing that bugs me the most ever on this
show.
CS: Why in the hell didn't he rent a bobcat to dig the hole?
SE: Because we had to have the epic return of Walter of Arabia. I'd put that money in thirty different places, Mike-style (but of course not Pinkman-style).
CS: I think you mean Cousin Eddie style
SE: Yeah, son. Stand-By-Me-Jerry-O'Connell-as-a-fat-kid-hiding-pennies-under-the-porch
style.
CS: It’s also unfortunate how the GPS is going to kill off
the traditional treasure map.
SE: Totally, Walt could have had that shit tattooed on his
back like the dude in the ridiculous Captain Morgan commercial.
CS: Or like the girl in Waterworld.
SE: What didn't this episode *69? Cancer is back; Saul being
Saul; tighty-whiteys; getting baked in the desert; POV shot from an inanimate
object; and Pinkman is in pure self-loathing mode again. What's new?
CS: I think you mean Tighty Walter Whiteys.
SE: All I know is, if the actors are method actors, I don't
want to know what they do to prepare. I mean Aaron Paul's eye was sunken out of
his head as he slouched in that chair at the cop shop like Sloth from Goonies.
CS: Speaking of those cops, they really needed to work on
their Tango & Cash routine.
Probably the two worst actors so far in the show
SE: I'm sure glad that the actors of Breaking Bad don't take
lessons from the over-actors in Low Winter Sun.
CS: I’m never gonna watch another second of that show. Low Winter Sun should have hired Mr.
Handlebars that was working one of the desks at the DEA with Hank.
SE: It is still bugging me that all that money is just
sitting in one location. So was that a lotto ticket that Walter bought to put
the numbers on it? Because it would take the show to new heights if he ended up
winning with those numbers.
CS: That was a really clever idea too. I also thought it would be hilarious if they won on those
numbers, and the show slowly translated into a typical family sit-com.
SE: I have to wax poetic for a second. So, in the first
couple of seasons the viewer wasn't entitled yet to knowing how bad Walter was
going to break; therefore, we saw his actions as a man put in a corner doing
what he had to do given the situation. Then in Season 4, we know how bad Walt
has become, so we get the slow reveal on the whole Brock situation. Now we know he is capable of anything. This show may really struggle with
showing Walt's actions in the foreground again now that the audience in on the
joke this time around.
CS: We also find out this whole time that Walter White has
had a tasty tart Russian fuck toy Tony Soprano style.
SE: I think that is a good point with The Sopranos. The
viewer is initially empathetic to Tony Soprano's vulnerability and then we realize he is a straight-up
sociopath. The style of the show has to change after that. That said, this
was a pretty amazing episode. For me, it was far better than the opener. Hank
is sizing up his hand and realizes they are shit cards. If he bluffs, he
will get called. That's a bad situation.
CS: Like Tony Soprano, Walter White is able to justify every
action he has done, regardless of evil that action was.
SE: So how lucky is Lady Banjo Eyes? She enters situations dead
to rights and comes out unscathed. They just leave her down there and voilà,
Todd to the rescue!
CS: Lady Banjo Eyes is very cut throat, and I once worked
with a girl that looked like her, it’s a little eerie actually. Also, Lady
Banjo Eyes isn't very good at selecting shoes for desert clandestine shenanigans.
SE: Hey Craig, AM I UNDER ARREST? How many great comedic
irony one-liners is this show going to produce?
CS: Hank isn't very good at strong-arming. He either beats a perp's face in, or stumbles over his words getting nowhere.
SE: What do all the Skyler haters do now? She might be the
biggest bad-ass in that household.
CS: That and she has hands big enough to palm a medicine
ball.
SE: Perfect for Walt's giant goners.
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| Heisenberg's preferred method of transportation |
CS: Whenever I see Walt man up, I think of the
South Park episode when Randy puts his balls in the microwave to make them the
size of a hoppity hop.
SE: How fucking funny was it when Walt told Saul, "I'll
send you to Belize."
CS: No way Saul even knows where Belize is.
SE: Then immediately we get Huell laying on a pile of cash
with one of the funniest scenes ever in the show. Tell me Craig, would you have
balls big enough to take some of that cash? Or maybe all of it?
CS: I'd definitely take some of that cash in that situation--maybe not much of it, perhaps only one bundle--but I wouldn't take it all because I'd be
too paranoid--not fear of Walt, but what the fuck would you even do with five cubic
yards of cash?
SE: You really want to know what I'd do with that cash?
Because this is going to take an essay.
CS: Bet it all on a horse?
SE: And two chicks at the same time wouldn't even be on the
list.
CS: You could buy like infinite red swingline staplers and
jump-to-conclusion mats.
SE: I had a buddy that said if he won Powerball he would buy
as many shares of his company’s stock and then sell them the next day hoping to
create a stock crash for the company.
CS: I wouldn't mind doing that to a couple previous
employers.
SE: The best way to put Hastings out of business would be to
just donate to Pirate Bay to keep it going.
CS: You went there. Guess we can scratch them off the list
as a sponsor. But, yeah, fuck them.
SE: Their stock trades next to RC Cola on the Trashdaq.
CS: You know what you could do with all that cash? Build
your own Sandals resort!
SE: Oh man, a *69 to a previous Breaking Down write up
during the ultimate *69 episode.
CS: People are gonna have to listen to my podcast to get all
the "*69" references. Also,
loving the synergy right now.
SE: Anybody over 30 should get the *69 references. It sucked
to prank call someone, and they *69ed back and got my father.
Let's take odds for next week: Hank finds evidence and
renders it inadmissible (1:2), Marie tries to steal someone else's baby (3:1),
Jesse flips (4:1).
CS: Shot of Walt in Underwear (3:1), Skylar freaks out about
something (4:1), Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dipshit cops get something out of
Jesse (5:1), Marie wears something purple (1:100).
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| You won't be able to sleep for a week |
SE: So Marie got raped while watching the one-eyed,
one-horned, flying purple people eater, right? And she just relives the trauma
everyday by wearing purple eating Hank's cock.
CS: Has it been confirmed that it even works again?
SE: If not, you know Hank is pumping the Viagra.
CS: Or she is strapping it on for him.
SE: OK, I think we've gone places we shouldn't have gone. Let's end this.
CS: I thought we already did.
SE: What, AM I UNDER ARREST? AM I UNDER ARREST, CRAIG?
CS: Honestly I didn't
find that as funny as you did
SE: That's how good Bill Burr is. Anything following him is
hilarious, even if it is an intense drama scene.
One last thing, so there is talk circling the interwebs
about how Walt takes on the characteristics of characters he has killed:
cutting off bread crust like Crazy 8, stonewalling Lydia at his place of
business like Gus, ordering his drink “on the rocks” like Mike, etc. So do you
give any credence to the flash-forward where Walt rearranges the bacon like
Skyler?
CS: It’s gonna be great when we get a flash-forward of Walt
wearing a purple Adidas track suit on crutches, calling someone a bitch while
ordering minerals on ebay and drinking a Walterbrew.
1 comment:
Pretty sure Lydia wasn't lucky. I think she sent the hit squad.
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