Man on Film: Pain & Gain

So far this year, I've seen films directed by Terrence Malick, Danny Boyle, Harmony Korine, and Derek Cianfrance this year, but the best movie I've seen so far was directed by Michael Bay. I know, I can't fucking believe it either, but Pain & Gain was better than all of those films. Perhaps this says something about me, as Pain & Gain revels in the idiocy of these wannabe criminals like a twisted Elmore Leonard novel in which the bad guys are the center of the tale and you want them to succeed, but it was a dark, crime-driven action comedy, and while Bay's skills are typically a bad fit once he is thrust into the science fiction genre (or whatever the fuck you call those Transformers abominations), the Bad Boys flicks were a rollicking good time.

Where Pain & Gain is most successful is in its optimization of its stars' strengths. Pain & Gain is an optimal vehicle for both Mark Wahlberg and Dwayne Johnson.

In Daniel Lugo, Mark Wahlberg has role that allows for his gifts to shine. If there is one thing that Wahlberg does like nobody else, it is playing a slightly dimmer character who thinks he's more intelligent than he actually is. His treatise on the patriotism of fitness and the American Dream is brilliant on its own, but with Wahlberg delivering the speech via voice-over, it is fucking sublime. As he extols the virtues of maintaining physical fitness, he's delivering a laugh every five seconds. His steadfast belief in self-improvement being the key to realizing the American Dream is funny, but the amorality in his approach and the inherent contradiction in his willing to screw someone else over to better himself is priceless.

Perhaps most importantly, Dwayne Johnson gets to stretch out as Paul Doyle. In nearly every film Dwayne Johnson has been cast in, he is underutilized. Pain & Gain is far and away his best performance. His performance is rich with a comic naïveté colored by his religious belief. He is easily influenced by others who exploit his malleability. He is also enormous, and unlike in most other films, Johnson's physicality is used to the benefit of the film.

That's not to say the rest of the film is without strong performances, too. Anthony Mackie and Rebel Wilson are both good, as is Ed Harris. Tony Shalhoub gets his best chance to shine since The Man Who Wasn't There.

Of course, none of this would have been possible without a biting screenplay, which the team of Christopher Markus and Stephen McFeely deliver with a surprisingly deft hold on the darkness given that their previous efforts were the Chronicles of Narnia series, You Kill Me (which could theoretically have worked in that realm, but I've never heard of the film), The Life and Death of Peter Sellers, and Captain America. Pain & Gain is consistently hilarious and deliriously twisted, with much of that owing to the screenplay.

This undersells what Michael Bay does. His skillset isn't the most flexible. It only works in a very specific setting. Pain & Gain is that setting. While his direction may in fact be the byproduct of years of untreated ADHD, this film feels like Miami at its trashiest, which seems to have been the intent. I really never thought I'd say this, but I loved a Michael Bay film. Bravo, sir. Bravo.

Man on Film: Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

Before I get into Honest Abe committing many acts of violence with a silver-tipped ax, I'd like to apologize for not being active enough around here. For the past eight months or so, the goal has been to have daily content up here. It's a lofty goal, and unfortunately one that my general lack of free time does not always allow me to meet. Shane helped out a bit last week, but that was on his own volition and out of the kindness of his heart. Thanks. I'm going to attempt to get content up for the week, including getting the next Wordy Old Men on Downton Abbey piece up on its regularly scheduled day of Wednesday. This piece has been delayed entirely by my inability to finish it. Again, I apologize and hope to rectify things this week, but it will be a challenge. Moving on...

I toyed with the notion of reviewing this film as though it were a sincere biopic, but I simply do not have the energy. Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter was fun. I would argue that it was stupid fun, but given the amount of historical research that Seth Grahame-Smith actually put into writing the novel and then screenplay that it was based upon, that seems a bit reductive. For the viewer, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter is an easy mindless ride. Neither Grahame-Smith nor Kazakhstani director Timur Bekmambetov have delusions about what the film is. Since the story recasts the 16th President of the United States of America, The Great Emancipator, as an ax-slinging vampire hunter, any other approach would justify their institutionalization.

Given Lincoln's iconic visage, Bekmambetov and Company were sort of painted into a corner casting-wise. Apparently, Benjamin Walker beat out Adrien Brody, Josh Lucas, Oliver Jackson-Cohen, and the similarly tall and interesting looking James D'Arcy. For the most part, he's likable enough to root for, though he is lacking a bit in the gravitas department, leading to both the recreation of an argument on the floor of the Illinois House of Representatives with Stephen A. Douglas and the delivery of the Gettysburg Address falling a bit flat. I suppose this is all immaterial, as the most important thing he is called upon to do he does with grace and elan: wielding a goddamn ax. The rest of the cast is perfectly suitable. Mary Elizabeth Winstead is a charming and surprisingly comely Mary Todd. Anthony Mackie and Jimmi Simpson were solid as his confidants William Johnson and Joshua Speed, and Dominic Cooper was magnetic as his mentor, Henry Sturgess. And somehow Rufus Sewell's eyes are less crazy than usual, even though he is a bloodthirsty vampire determined to quash abolition to keep his food supply in tact.

All this being said, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter doesn't always look good. As anyone who saw Wanted can attest to, Bekmambetov isn't the most consistent director in terms of special effects. There are scenes like the fight at the plantation house that look sleek and sexy, and then there are scenes like the fight with his nemesis Jack Barts amidst a stampede of horses that look godawful. The aging make-up on Honest Abe and Mary Todd is also laughably bad--like almost as bad as the make-up at the end of the last Harry Potter movie. There are also standard, effects-free scenes that simply look cheap. I don't have any illusions about what this film was supposed to be, but one wonders where the ~$70 million budget went when scenes on the street in the daylight look like shit.

For the most part, though, this was an enjoyable film. It was a marked improvement on the utter horseshit that was Wanted, if for no other reason than that it was actually fun. Sure, it is far from being flawless, but its warts can be stomached, and you actually come out of the film having been amused.